Worst of the Night: March 7, 2011

Ron Artest versus Coffee: I know, I know. It's a day late and it could have happened to almost any player. But it happened to Ron Artest. And these things always seem to happen to him, you know?


Derrick Rose's stalker: This is also a day late. Basketbawful reader GabV sent in a picture of a dude checking out D-Rose's buttocks before the Bulls-Heat game. I'll go one further and provide video of the dude taking a picture of Derrick's butt. I...have nothing more to say.


Erik Spoelstra: After (rather foolishly) outting some unnamed players for crying after a nationally televised home loss to the Bulls on Sunday, Spoelstra could have manned up and said something like, "What happens in our locker room should stay in our locker room. I know that and, from now on, it will. No further comments." Instead, he took the easier and more predictable way out: Blame the media.

The embattled Heat coach claimed his remarks were taken out of context and blamed the media for over analyzing his comments. Neither Spoelstra nor any of the Heat's players revealed Sunday or after Monday's practice who actually shed tears in the locker room following the 87-86 loss to the Bulls.

Spoelstra even went as far as to backtrack a bit from his original comments and said Monday that he wasn't certain that he saw actual tears when the team gathered immediately after the game.

"This is a classic example of sensationalism, looking for a headline," Spoelstra said after the team's two-hour film session and workout on Monday at AmericanAirlines Arena. "I really think you guys are probably reaching for this. Guys were very emotional about it in the locker room. Heads were down. I saw glossy eyes, but that's about it. I think everything else is probably an exaggeration."

An exaggeration? That would seem a little more credible if 'Spo hadn't immediately offered up the whole "crying" thing of his own free will and without any prompting whatsoever from the always-looking-for-a-headline media.

But hey, why take responsibility for your words when you can foist the responsibility onto someone else?

Update! Miami Heat late-game fail compilation: From the SportsPickle via chris:


Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "I do chuckle a little bit when [members of the Heat] complain about the scrutiny they get. My suggestion would be if you don't want the scrutiny, you don't hold a championship celebration before you've even practiced together. It's hard to go out yourself and invite that kind of crowd and celebration and attention, and then when things aren't going well, sort of bemoan the fact that you're getting that attention."

The New Orleans Hornets: This was one of those classic "Give Them Credit" games. New Orleans was without Chris Paul (concussion) and Trevor Ariza (strained left adductor), and playing on the second night of back-to-back road games in the final game of a five-game road trip. Yet somehow, with their backs against the wall and fighting against the odds, the Hornets tied the game at 77-77 with 3:18 remaining...

...and they never scored again.

Said David West: "I thought we played well enough to win. We had the game right where we wanted it at 77-77 with 3-something to go. We couldn't convert down the stretch. We didn't have enough offense."

New Orleans shot 36.3 percent from the field and gave up 19 points off 11 turnovers. Oh, and Derrick Rose had almost as many assists (9) as the Hornets did as a team (10). As the Fun Police would say: "There's only one set of prints on this ball."

The New Orleans Hornets' uniforms: Mardi Gras is supposed to inspire people to drink and eat to excess, and women to flash their boobs for a five dollar set of beads. Not this. No, not this.

The Orlando Magic: This was another "Give Them Credit" game. The Magic were playing without Dwight Howard, who was serving a one-game suspension for earning his 16th technical foul of the season against the Bulls on Friday night. And, after falling behind by as many as 14 points, they fought back and nearly had a chance to win. I emphasize the "nearly" part of that last sentence. Orlando was doomed by careless turnovers: The Magic bobbled the ball away 19 times, and the Frail Blazers ended up with 10 more shot attempts and eight more free throw attempts. And Portland won by four points.

Said Jason Richardson: "We played really hard, gave it our all, but it just didn't come up at the end. We weren't taking care of the ball. ... They just kept reaching in and knocking the ball out of our hands. You can't win the game when you have 19 turnovers."

Jameer Nelson: The line: 21 minutes, 2 points, 1-for-7, 4 assists, 5 turnovers.

Said Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: "The only guy that had a really bad night was Jameer. He had a really, really bad night."

Don't hold back, coach. Give it to us straight.

Stan Van Gundy: You knew he was going to bitch about Dwight's suspension, right? Basketbawful reader Robert M. did.

Van Gundy quoted an Elias Sports Bureau statistic Monday that notes Howard has been fouled 593 times this season without any of those calls being labeled flagrant.

Asked if the Magic had a case to the league office about whether they feel Howard has been excessively fouled, Van Gundy said he thinks outside input doesn't carry much weight at the league office.

"This is the system David Stern and his minions like it," Van Gundy said. "So that's the system you have...I certainly can't have an opinion because David Stern, like a lot or leaders we've seen in this world lately, don't really tolerate other people's opinion or free speech or anything. So I'm not really allowed to have an opinion. So it's up to him.

"He decides and he likes the system he has."

Howard is serving a one-game suspension Monday night against the Trail Blazers after picking up his 16th technical of the season against Chicago on Friday. For every two technicals he receives the remainder of the season he also must sit out a game.

"I think he has settled down," Van Gundy said. "He's gotten two (technicals) in the last month (and) he hasn't gotten any for arguing. His problems were early in the year when he got a lot of arguing calls. Lately what he's gotten is two for retaliating for hits he's taken after the whistle and I think to be quite honest he's already had great restraint on those plays.

"... You guys can estimate how many of those were hard hits and how many of those were above the shoulders. ... I would say his control is amazing."

The Charlotte Bobcraps: The Clippers entered last night's game 5-25 on the road and 4-16 without Eric Gordon. Plus they're, you know, the Clippers.

Didn't matter. The Bobcraps are just that bad. Gerald Wallace is playing for the Frail Blazers now. Stephen Jackson was out with a strained hammy. And Charlotte has now lost five in a row. It's their longest fail streak since dropping seven straight last season.

There were a lot of reasons they didn't win, but bricking nine freebies in a five-point loss has gotta string.

Vinny Del Negro, coach of the year candidate: "We'll take the win on the road, but we have to have a tougher mentality on the road. We seem to have it more at home. But we need everybody to play at a high level and not worry about minutes and statistics and who has the ball."

The Utah Jazz: "We're not here to have fun. We're not here to enjoy the nightlife. We're not here to get away from Utah. We're here to take care of business and we didn't play like that tonight."

So said Al Jefferson after Utah gave up 40 points in the first quarter, trailed by as many as 31 points and eventually lost 131-109. While the Jazz were committing 20 turnovers, the Knicks were shooting 56 percent from the field (including 13-for-26 from downtown) and registering 35 assists on 46 baskets.

But that's not all. From Elias Sports Bureau:

Amar'e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony combined for 46 of the Knicks 66 points when the two were on the floor together. When the two players were on the court together New York outscored Utah 66-35. Even more impressive, out of the 19 shots they took combined while on the floor together, they missed only three (16-19, 84.2 pct).

Carmelo Anthony and Amar'e Stoudemire both scored early and often eclipsing the 30-point mark before the 4th quarter began. They are just the 5th pair of teammates over the last 5 seasons to do so. While this has been rare to the NBA, Carmelo Anthony is no stranger to the feat as he has been involved in 3 of the 5 occurences, including both times it has happened this season.

The Jazz have now lost nine of their last 11 games and are tied or ninth place in the West. The ship, as they say, be sinking.

Said Utah coach Tyrone Corbin: "As individuals, as a group, as a franchise, that's embarrassing the way we came out and played tonight. Even if you lose a game, you can lose with some dignity. I don't think this loss tonight did anybody any good."

Somewhere Jerry Sloan is happy he retired. Speaking of Sloan...

Jerry Sloan, complete and total badass: (via Ball Don't Lie) KFAN's Tony Abbott interviewed Jerry's son, Brian, and Abbott revealed the following awesomeness during said interview:

Someone shoots an elk on a mountain hunting trip that Karl Malone had helped them arrange and Jerry and Tony walk up to it. "In a split second, this bull elk jumps up and comes at me full bore at about 10 yards. I'm a sitting duck. Your dad, without a blink, steps in front of me, pulls up [his old rifle that he got for $80 at a garage sale], puts a bullet in this elk's chest, and it falls at my feet. I have no chance to even react. I turn and look at your dad and he looks at me and he goes, 'That's as good as a fast break.'"

Like I said: Complete and total badass.

Al Jefferson: From Ross Siler (via Dan B.): "Has any player ever duplicated Al Jefferson's feat tonight: 36 points, 12 rebounds, team outscored by 33 points while he was on court?"

Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: "We're not going to shoot like that, I don't think. There's not going to be a game where we only miss six or seven shots combined. We hope we go out there and score 30 points and we win and everybody else contributes in their own way, but for me personally, I don't want to do that. I don't want to put that pressure on me to go out there and say that I want to score 30 points a night. I'm past that now."

Amar''''''e Stoudemire, quote machine: "Myself and Carmelo can score 1-on-1 with ease, but to get other players involved and play team basketball is the ultimate goal for us and tonight it worked out very well."

STAT check: Amar'''''e had zero assists.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Brian Cardinal scored a season-high 12 points. The Timberwolves lost by three points. I know this may sound elementary, but teams that can't contain "The Custodian" won't win many games. In possibly related news, Minnesota's record is now 15-50...worst in the Western Conference.

Said Dallas coach Rich Carlisle: "Without Cardinal, I don't think we'd have won the game. His activity, rebounds, loose balls, deflections, shot-making completely turned the game around."

Rebounds, coach? Cardinal finished with zero boards. Had three steals, tho'.

Kevin Love (23 points and 17 rebounds) got his 51st double-double in a row, which, according the AP recap, is tied with Moses Malone in 1978-79 for the longest streak since the NBA-ABA merger in 1976. And Malone's streak spanned two seasons, so Love's is the longest single-season streak.

The Target Center crowd even chanted "M-V-P!" for him. How cute. Batshit crazy. But cute.

Said Love: "I'd be jumping for joy if we were winning and everybody was playing great, including myself. I'm just going out there and playing hard and it is just kind of happening for me. But it is kind of an afterthought because we aren't winning."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: They let the Care Bears shoot 52 percent from the field, score 21 fast break points and 68 points in the paint, and build a 17-point lead before making a failed fourth quarter rally.

Defense? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Said Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "We got down 17 because our defensive effort wasn't where it needed to be. We gave them too many easy layups and points around the paint. We got back into it because we made some shots, but we still weren't playing the defense that it takes to win in this league."

At least he knows.

The Sacramento Kings: Congrats to Rick Adelmen Adelman, who tied Dick Motta for 10th on the NBA's career coaching victories list (935). Among the top 10 in wins, only Phil Jackson and Red Auerbach have better winning percentages than Adelman (.605).

Bet you never would've guessed that.

Said Adelman: "It means a lot to me. If you take a look at all those names up there [on the top-10 list], they are some of the best coaches."

Kind of a "Captain Obvious" quote, but I'll let it go. He was emotional.

As for the Kings, they trailed by as many as 30 points before losing 123-101. At home. So, uh, when are they moving to Anaheim?

Said Sactown coach Paul Westfail: "You've got to guard somebody. You can't give up 30-point quarters every quarter and expect to win. Our defense was not good enough really ever to give us a chance to hang around in the game."

Added DeMarcus Cousins: "We have a tendency to panic and just try to do things on our own. We are not going to get back into the game that way and we're not going to win games that way. We have to play the whole game together."

In possibly related news, Cousins took 20 shots and committed 4 turnovers while registering only 3 assists. Further related is the fact that Cousins has 57 more turnovers on the season (181) than assists (124). Oh, and he leads the league with 242 personal fouls. That's 23 more than fifth-place Amar''''''e Stoudemire.

Chris's Uncanny Two-Line Lacktion Ledger:

Clippers-Bobcats: DeAndre Jordan jacked up two boards in 17:10 with three fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl as the Clips' starting big!

For Charlotte, Joel Przybilla negated three boards in 10:18 with a brick, four fouls, and a turnover for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Bawful After Dark: November 18, 2010

Oh, we had no idea how funny this photo was at the time...(Via Andy Gray's SI Vault)
After he retires from the NBA, Ben Wallace wants to be a lawyer. Ron Artest, on the other hand, wants to play in the NFL. Seriously. I mean, Artest is deeply entrenched in the Tyson Zone at this point, but this was still almost surprising. Emphasis on "almost." I still didn't even raise my eyebrow in contemplation after reading this. I just had to blink a couple times for it to sink in before moving on with my life.

Here is your must-read footbawful-related link of the day -- The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder. (h/t Will) Block out some time to read this monster, because every single sentence is worth it.

Just for the record, I don't think I could party with Fred Smoot. Anybody who claims that a party on Lake Minnetonka featuring a boat full of prostitutes is "overrated" must really be desensitized by a constant line of women throwing themselves and their vaginas upon him. (You know, like the exact opposite of me.)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Walt "Clyde" Frazier attempts to hide his disdain for Mike Breem not purchasing any Just For Men

It's okay, Delonte. I, too, love Saturday Night Fever

Jay Triano curtsies to celebrate a rare Craptors victory

I know that Detroit's a depressing place, but jeez

Dwight Howard has his atomic elbows, but DeShawn Stevenson has atomic headbutts. Advantage: dude with the Abe Lincoln neck tattoo

Kevin Love? More like "Kevin Manlove," amiright?

See? Michael Beasley agrees with me

Alright, I'm impressed. That's some truly acrobatic man love

Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Magic, TNT, 8pm: In news that should surprise absolutely nobody who has seen the undersized Suns' roster (Channing Frye? Hedo Turkoglu? These are the people you're slotting in the 4 and 5 slots???), Phoenix's opponents have been averaging 46.4 rebounds per game. That's worst in the league. If Dwight Howard actually had anything resembling a hypercompetitive fire, this game would be the basketball beatdown equivalent of firing up Mortal Kombat, putting it on two player mode, and practicing your spine-snapping fatality moves on the stationary opponent. However, because Dwight's constantly got that goofy ass grin on his face, the Suns still stand a chance if they start raining threes.

Nuggets at Frail Blazers, TNT, 10:30pm: Brandon Roy is out yet again. Greg Oden's knees are about five seconds away from spontaneously combusting. However, Denver's dropped four of their last six in Portland, so maybe, just maybe, there might be a little hope for the Blazers fans tonight.

All The Other Games:
Clippers at Pacers, 7pm: I love reading the STATS LLC game previews for terrible contests such as this one. The writers are so (appropriately) disgusted that they start writing like one of us. Case in point, the harsh opening to the preview for this game: "While the Indiana Pacers have struggled at home this season, the Los Angeles Clippers can't seem to win no matter where they play." Yes, this is the point we have already reached less than a month into the season. The dark cloud of Clippers history combined with the pure evil of Donald Sterling and the vortex of incompetence of Vinny del Negro have formed some sort of unholy storm of failure that will destroy everything and everyone in its path. Just think of what this team will be like by the end of December!

Worst NBA Champions: Adam Morrison

Practicing is about all Morrison did in L.A.
Let me state up front that I wanted this entry to be about Ron Artest. See, I'm still bitter. Still bitter that he couldn't keep it together when he was on the Bulls. And I'm very bitter about his time with the Pacers: Not only did the infamous Pacers-Pistons brawl he started ruin Indy's last serious shot at a title, he did it during Reggie Miller's final season. Then, after Pacers GM Larry Bird gave him a second chance, Ron-Ron began the season by asking for a couple months off to promote his rap album (his request was declined)...and then he demanded a trade (that request was granted).

The Pacers are still recovering, both financially -- they're losing about $30 million a year and the city of Indianapolis recently granted the team a $33 bailout just to keep them from leaving town -- and in terms of oncourt success. Seriously, it's starting to look like the Pacers may never be good ever again.

Thank you, Ron Artest. Thank you very much.

And yet I can't do it. I can't include Artest in my list of Worst NBA Champions. There are two reasons for this. First, he may well have been the difference between the Lakers winning the title or succumbing to their hated rivals. He didn't have a good playoffs -- his shooting was turrible (39% from the field, 29% in threes), he missed 16 of his 38 fouls shots, and he gave up 110 points per 100 possessions -- but he made crucial contributions in the Finals. Namely, slowing down Paul Pierce and hitting some key shots, particularly near the end of Game 7. It's not inaccurate to suggest the Lakers might not have won without him.

Secondly, there's ample reason to suggest that Artest really is batshit crazy. And as funny as it is when Ron freaks out and mistakes mushrooms in his yard for giant, deadly snake eggs, the reality seems to be that his struggles with mental health are both genuine and organic. Much as I hate to admit it, I actually felt something close to joy for the guy when he thanked his psychiatrist after the Lakers won the title. After all, here was a man who had escaped the hell of his own mind to achieve a very real, very public redemption.

As a Pacers fan, I hated him. As a human being, I applauded him.

So Ron gets a free pass this time around. Instead, I turn my attention to The 'Stache: Adam John Morrison.

I almost feel bad about picking on Morrison. God knows he's been picked on enough during his brief and highly unsuccessful NBA career. I say "unsuccessful" relative to the expectations placed on him. Of course, his so-called lack of success has earned him two NBA championships and almost $17 million in cold, hard cash. Man...I wish my epic fails were more like Morrison's.

Still, his fall from grace has been long, hard, and face-first into the giant Palm of Destiny. After all, he was a great player in college. Wait. Scratch that. He was a great scorer in college. During his third and final season at Gonzaga, he led the nation in scoring by averaging 28.1 PPG while shooting almost 50 percent from the field and nearly 43 from downtown. As Wikipedia recounts: "He had 13 games of 30-plus points, with five of them over 40. His scoring totals against teams in the "major" conferences are no less impressive; he averaged 28.5 points in 11 such games. On February 18, Morrison recorded a career high 44 (including 37 in the second half alone) points against Loyola Marymount Lions in a winning effort."

Dude could put the biscuit in the basket.

During his final game as a college student -- versus UCLA in the Sweet Sixeen -- Morrison led the Zags with 24 points. Unfortuantely for Adam, UCLA came back from a 17-point deficit and literally stole the game in the final seconds. Heartbreak City, baby. Before the game had even ended, Morrison started to cry. Then, when it was finally over, he flopped on the ground, pulled his jersey over his head, and wept like a wee little baby. Here's the entire spectacle:


It was an ugly scene. And as you could see, his tantrum prevented him from helping give his team a chance at the end...and he took some serious shit for it. Not enough to keep him from becoming an NBA lottery pick. But still.

Of course, there were legitimate concerns regarding his NBA prospects. He was slow. He was slightly awkward and not particularly athletic. Despite his size (6'8"), he didn't rebound very well (only 5.1 RPG for his college career and 5.5 during his final season). He didn't do much to make his teammates better either (to wit: during his final season at Gonzaga, he averaged about 20 FGA and almost 10 FTA but only 1.7 APG). And his ability make the transition to the pros was seriously questioned:

While Morrison’s dominance at the college level can’t be questioned, many still doubt how his game will translate to the next level. Morrison has a certain amount of deceptive quickness to his game, but is he a good enough athlete to be a star in the NBA?

With how hard Morrison has to work to get shots at the college level, can he create offense against the Ron Artests and Bruce Bowens of the NBA? While the caliber of defender guarding Morrison has made little difference during his time at Gonzaga, it remains to be seen whether he has the footspeed or overall athleticism to succeed as an all-around scorer at the next level.

The other hole in Adam Morrison’s game can be easily observed on the defensive end. Morrison clearly reserves most of his energy for his scoring expoits, and tends to coast on defense most of the time. Gonzaga will often switch into zone defenses so teams can’t exploit him on that end.

While Morrison has solid defensive instincts when he is focused, it is generally perceived that the lack of footspeed will really hurt in one-on-one situations on the defensive end. Morrison may very well be able to create his own shot in the NBA, but it is hard to see him being able to stay in front of the freak athletes occupying the wing position in the NBA. It is likely that whichever team ends up drafting Morrison will have to come up with a defensive gameplan that covers for Morrison’s shortcomings on that end.

Despite the many doubts, Michael Jordan -- in one of his first acts as Manager of Basketball Operations of the Charlotte Bobcats -- made Morrison the third overall selection in the 2006 NBA Draft...ahead of guys like Brandon Roy, Rudy Gay and Rajon Rondo, not to mention a scad of other servicable roleplayers (J.J. Redick, Ronnie Brewer, Boobie Gibson, Paul Milsap, etc.).

Morrison's entry into the Association led to some semi-brilliant NBA Live commercials:



There was also one about his mustache that I can't figure out how to embed. Unfortunately, these commericals -- filmed before he had played a single NBA game -- turned out to be the best part of his entry into the league.

Morrison had a rough rookie season -- 11.8 PPG, 37% FGP, 33% 3P% -- and lost his starting job after only 23 games because of bad shooting and worse defense. By all accounts, Morrison spent the offseason working himself into terrific shape only to tear the ACL in his left knee during a preseason game, which forced him to sit out the entire 2007-08 season. When Adam returned for the the 2008-09 campaign, he had regressed (4 PPG, 35% FGP). It didn't help that the 'Cats new coach, Larry Brown, hated Morrison's defense and preferred strong drives to willowy three-pointers. At the trade deadline, he was shipped to L.A., where he passed out enough Gatorade and handed out enough clean towels during timeouts to become an NBA champion.

There were rumors Morrison might not return for the 2009-10 season, that the Lakers might trade him or buy out his contract. No dice. L.A. held onto him because, by all accounts, he was a hard worker and a diligent practice player. And ideal 12th man. But not a rotation player.

In all, Morrison appeared in only 31 games. He never played more than 16 minutes and 53 seconds. For the season, he took 85 shots and scored only 74 points. His season high was seven points. In 25 of his games, he scored five points or less. In 10 of his games, he didn't score at all. His shooting percentages were 37 percent from the field and 23 percent from beyond the arc.

His postseason contributions were even more limited. He appeared in exactly two first round playoff games: He logged four minutes in the Lakers' 110-89 Game 4 loss in Oklahoma City, and he put in eight minutes worth of work during L.A.'s 111-87 home win in Game 5.

And that was it. Those were his final minutes of PT as a member of the Lakers. When Morrison's contract expired this summer, Mitch Kupchak let him know his services were no longer required. He worked out with a few teams -- the Bulls and Celtics, for instance -- and it appears he might be hooking up with the Washington Wizards. Which, honestly, is great, because -- like I said -- he appears to be a focused, determined player who is well-liked by his teammates.

Just ask Kobe Bryant: "[The fact that Morrison couldn't crack the rotation] is a testament to our team, honestly, because Adam can really play. He can really, really go. For him to take a step back and to do things like that really helped us get to that championship level."

Considering how rarely Kobe doles out praise, that's really saying something. And it gets to the point of this post. Unlike some of the other Worst NBA Champions, Morrison wasn't a locker room cancer, or someone who put himself ahead of team goals, or someone who bragged about accomplishments he was barely a part of, or a huge douchebag. It seems he was a character guy who took his role with the team very seriously but simply wasn't good enough to keep his job.

Or even get in a real game.

No, Morrison wasn't a bad guy. He was -- and is -- a walking, talking, non-playing cautionary tale. He had a truly memorable college career, but he went bust in the NBA. It's not his fault. It's not like he didn't try. And I'm sure it's something that's pretty hard to take. It would have to be.

But he has a ring.

Update! Bonus video: Morrison's 2010 NBA Finals highlights (via Wild Yams):