Worst of the Night: To Rest or Not to Rest Edition

See?! This is why you rest your starters!! Or...is it?
Wrists ankles and knees. Oh my.

Last night, San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich decided to rest his starters rather than actively pursue the league's best record. As a result, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili remain injury-free even as I type these words. Assuing Manu didn't spontaneously flop on his way out of the Staples Center.

Meanwhile, the Lakers went for the second seed in the Western Conference. Next thing you know, Andrew Bynum stepped on DeJuan Blair's foot and, at minimum, hyperextended his surgically repaired knee. The injury could mean some serious doom and gloom for the Lakers. L.A. needs him as much as the Celtics need Kendrick Per...uhm...I mean a healthy Shaq. Yes. A...healthy...Shuh...oh dear God.

Back in the Eastern Conference, the Bulls were playing the Knicks in Madision Square Garden. Amar''''''e Stoudemire sat out to preserve his marshmallowy insides for New York's first round bonfire against the Celtics. Quick aside: If you're making Knicks s'mores, and STAT is the marshmallow, then 'Melo has to be the chocolate, right? In that case, who's the graham cracker? Chauncey Billups? Landry Fields?

Anyway, the Bulls didn't hold anything back. Poor Luol Deng logged 40+ minutes for what felt like the 81st time. In reality, Lu has played 40 or more minutes in "only" 38 games. He's played 39 minutes in another nine games, 38 minutes in another six, and 35-37 minutes in another 17 games. Derrick Rose and Carlos Boozer played 38 and 37 minutes, respectively. But, hey, the Bulls have a shot at the best record in the NBA and homecourt advantage in every conceivable playoff series.

Who takes their foot off the gas in the middle of the Indy 500?

Bad news, though. Ronnie Brewer injures his wrist. Joakim Noah tweaked his already injured ankle. Noah is Noah and Brewer is a crucial roleplayer off the bench. The Bulls are going to need both of those guys for a long playoff run.

Now Popovich and Doc Rivers -- who rested Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo on Monday night rather than going for the East's second seed -- look like geniuses. Of course, Pop's genius may have nothing to do with actually resting his big guns. Remember: If the Lakers earn second place in the West, that puts them out of San Antonio's playoff bracket until the Western Conference Finals, assuming both teams make it that far.

It's an age-old debate that has no clear-cut answer no matter what happens. Oh, sure, it's easy to say what the team should have done after disaster strikes. Several years ago, the Indianapolis Colts clinched the top seed in the AFC so early they rested their starters for the last three games. Throw in their first round bye and the Colts didn't play any truly competitive football in a month. Their first postseason game was against a Steelers team that had to win their last five games to even qualify for the postseason. Steelers won that game (barely) and went on to win the Super Bowl, too.

Colts shouldn't have rested. Right?

But the Bulls and Lakers should have. Right?

Freak injuries are unpredictable. They can happen at any time. There's no way to prevent them short of covering people in bubble wrap and locking them in a padded room for the rest of their lives. And even that might not keep Greg Oden or Yao Ming from shattering like florescenct light bulb that just got stepped on by Oliver Miller.

I mean, Bynum could have stepped on somebody's foot in the first game of the first round of the playoffs. Or he could have avoided it.

It's funny. I was reading comments in the CHI-NYK game thread at KnickerBlogger, and angry Knicks fans were killing the Bulls for, you know, trying to win the game. I guess the whole "trying to win games" thing has been so out of fashion in New York for most of the last decade that seeing another team care looks as foreign as filling a jar of peanut butter with rat poison. Dear Knicks fans: On behalf of the Chicago Bulls organization, I humbly apologize that they give a shit, and that them giving a shit makes you feel worse about your team and yourselves. Good luck in life.

In possibly related news, the MSG crowd erupted into a few "M-V-P!" changes for Rose. Which means, I guess, that at the very least people who attend Knicks games in person appreciate dedication to winning.

You wanna know a secret? I hate the end of the regular season, when garbage like this becomes "news." Everything gets so bizarro. Good teams stop trying, bad teams either begin taking or suddenly discover they have something to prove, and everybody goes crazy saying what this or that team should or shouldn't be doing. Rest him! Don't rest! Try to win! Losing's better!

We can't just enjoy the games anymore. It's this 24/7 news coverage thing. Hey, I'm part of it, I know that. But you know, people have been bitching about MVP since freaking January. Sports fans need constant stimulus. Even on days when there are 13 NBA games, there may be three new stories about Rose's PER or the many different things Team X should consider to manipulate the playoff seeding.

As for me, I just want the playoffs to start, already.

Chris's Lethal Lacktion Ledger:

Bulls-Knicks: Derrick Brown drilled one foul in 5:36 for a +1, while fellow Knickerbocker Shelden Williams matched that in 3:42 for the same suck differential and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Frail Blazers: WHOA. Chris Johnson, Armon Johnson, AND Earl Barron had 34 seconds of work unclogging the water system at the Rose Garden, resulting in MARIO TRIPLETS! (Barron went 100% from the field on one attempt so he avoided pure lacktivity, however.)

Spurs-Lakers: Theo Ratliff's stock options expired, resulting in a payout of exactly 1.5 trillion (90 seconds).

Worst of the Night: EVERY GAME MEANS EVERYTHING EVERY NIGHT Edition

THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS MEANINGLESS GAMES.
The Detroit Pistons: What could possibly make Detroit's home loss to the Cadavers even worse? How about Charlie Villanueva totally losing his shit?


Afterward, in a calmer moment, Chuckie V. said: "You gotta be careful with the quiet ones, right? At the end of the day that's something that happened on the court, it should stay on the court. I overreacted. He said some things that got me upset."

Speaking of saying things, as he was escorted back to the locker room, Villanueva reportedly said: "I will kill that dude. I don't give a (expletive)."

So, uh, what was that all about?

Said Charlie: "He threw an elbow, caught me in my leg. I told him, 'Just watch that elbow.' He said something real smart so I got angry in the heat of the moment, that's about it."

And they say these games are meaningless!

The Boston Celtics: Doc Rivers opted to rest his starters, so Boston's OT road loss to the Wizards Generals ranked only around a 2.7 on the "Meh" scale. Still, this game was notable for two things. First, Delonte West got injured again, re-spraining his right ankle during the third quarter. Then there was...

Von Wafer, Worst Player of the Night: Oh, man.

During overtime, with his team clinging to a two-point lead, Wafer threw down a wide open slam dunk and then paused out of bounds to pose crazy for the crowd. It would have been an awesome moment for him...except that he had actually missed the dunk. Oh, but it gets better. Jermaine O'Neal grabbed the offensive rebound, but Wafer spun around after his posing routine and ran into O'Neal, which caused The Drain to double-dribble. So, in one possession, Wafer managed to blow a dunk, look like the world's biggest asshat, and then force his own teammate into a turnover. This could very well be the worst play of the season.


See that look on Wafer's face after realization had dawned on him? That's the look of a man who may have killed whatever was left of his NBA career with one boneheaded moment. Memo to would-be NBAers and 10-day contract wonders: Wait until your at home, alone and in front of a mirror, to celebrate yourself.

JaVale McGee: He can thank Von Wafer for saving him from WPotN dishonors based solely on this rather spectacular fail: Stuffed at the rim by a man whose vertical leap may actually be measured in negative numbers.


The Miami cHeat: Yes, the cHeat won, and yes, thanks to the Celtics' overtime loss in Washington, they locked up the second seed in the Eastern Conference. Still...almost choking away a 20-point lead while the Hawks were resting their starters? LeBron, D-Wade and the Boshtrich versus Zaza Pachulia, Josh Powell, Jamal Crawford, Jeff Teague and Damien Wilkins...and the latter group stood firm and actually outscored the Nazgul-led cHeat in the fourth quarter? Just sayin'.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Seemingly out of nowhere, Big Z whipped a ball off Pachulia's back. What's even crazier about this particular cheap move is that Ilgauskas and Zaza are apparently pretty good friends.


I guess Pat Riley decided his team needed a tough guy and that Big Z was gonna be that guy. Zydrunas was ejected. Oddly enough, during the Celtics-cHeat game on Sunday, LeBron was not ejected when he threw a ball at Jermaine O'Neal. I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

Zaza Pachulia, quote machine: "I didn't know if it was the ball or a punch. I don't know what he was mad about. He's one of the greatest guys. I'm definitely going to call him. Or maybe I'll just text him. He probably won't answer my call right now."

Jrue Holiday: Today's ego-ectomy special via Sturla.


The Excremento Kings: I love this quote from the Thunder-Kings game. Said Kendrick Perkins: "I see this team really starting to play together. We're starting to think defense first." This on a night in which the Kings scored 37 points in the second quarter, finished with 112, and rookie DeMarcus Cousins scored a career-high 30 points and set Sacramento records for free throws made (18) and attempted (21). If only the Paupers hadn't given up 120 points on 57 percent shooting.

DeMarcus Cousins, quote machine: "(The move) is not something I'm thinking about, I'm a Sacramento King. The only thing I'm thinking about Wednesday is finishing this season with a bang. Like I said, I'm a Sacramento King."

The New Jersey Nyets: Sure. They lost at home to the Bobcraps when D.J. Augustin nailed a jumper with 1.1 seconds left. But just think: The Nyets have doubled their win total from last season!


The Toronto Craptors: You know what? I'm done dignifying their losses with a description. Let's go straight to the video:


The New Orleans Hornets: They shot 37 percent a set a season-low for points at home (78) while letting the Jazz shoot 55 percent and go up by as many as 17 points in the fourth quarter. And no: The Hornets were not resting starters. They were, in fact, fighting to stay out of eighth place in the West. Which they failed to do.

Said Willie Green: "We have to do a little bit of soul-searching and get back to Hornets basketball," Green said. "We've just got to get back to playing better defense. That has been our pillar all year long. ... Tonight, we let those guys push us around."

The Houston Rockets: Hm. Let's check the stat sheet: Dallas committed 20 turnovers, missed 13 of their 17 from three-point attempts, lost the rebounding battle 52-49 and Jason Terry missed a free throw that could have won the game with 1.5 seconds left in regulation. Does that tell you how bad the Rocketeers had to play to lose this game? Try 36.5 percent shooting. At home.

Said Houston coach Rick Adelman: "We wanted to go out and win this game, and we didn't."

Well said.

The Gol_en State Warriors: The Nuggets had nine players score in double figures. It was the first time Denver had done that since November 24, 1987. This despite the fact that Nene and Aaron Afflalo both left the game early due to injury. Oh, and did I mention that Kosta Koufos tied his career high with 18 points?

Yep. Typical Warriors.

More from LotharBot:

I know the Gol_en State Warriors' interior presence is somewhat lacking, but this game was ridiculous. They gave up 76 points in the paint to the Nuggets. Nuggets bigs also shot 14 for 20 on free throws, which I don't think count as points in the paint but definitely were points caused by GS not being able to stop Yi's chair. And it wasn't all the Nuggets' best players.

The starting center, Nene, didn't play in the second half. The third string center (Mozgov), backup powder forward (Harrington), and starting and backup small forwards (Gallinari, Chandler) were out. That's five guys 6'8" or bigger who were hurt, and still GS couldn't keep their remaining guys out of the paint. A lot of the damage was done by backup center Chris Andersen (14 points, 12 boards, 4 blocks) and fourth string center Kosta Koufas (a career high tying 18 points, 9 boards).

For the Warriors, "All Star" big man David Lee finished with 10 points, 5 boards, and no blocks. He's in the first year of a 6 year, $82 million contract.

By the way, high five to the Nuggets for reaching 50 wins minus 'Melo. And despite the 'Melodrama that went on before the trade.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: They are one of the rare teams in this league that could score 127 points on 55 percent shooting and win the rebounding battle 45-35...but lose anyway. Which is what they did last night in Phoenix. Extra kudos to Michael Beasley for blowing a free throw with 8.4 seconds left in regulation that could have won the game.

Said Beasley: "It hurts. I could have won the game with a free throw. It's going to haunt me tonight, but that's how it goes."

Chris's Uncanny Lacktion Ledger:

Heat-Hawks: Juwan Howard bricked once in 3:18 for a +1.

Celtics-Generals: Avery Bradley, just like his jersey number of zero, was unproductive in a game the leperchaun loyalists should have won: he had one miss, three fouls, and a turnover in 6:39 for a +5!

Jazz-Hornets: Patrick Ewing Jr. bit into a bouillon base of 1 trillion (62 seconds)!

Warriors-Nuggets: Melvin Ely elicited one brick in 2:14 for a +1.

Zombie Sonics-The Purple Paupers That Might Cost The Lakers A Half-Billion Dollars If The Maloofs Have Their Way In Order To Cover Their Casino-Renovation Debts: Daequan Cook baked one brick from the ovens at Pizza Rock for a +1 in 8:06.

Worst of the Night: April 6, 2011

It's like he was posing for Worst of the Night.
The Philadelphia 76ers: They were battling the Knicks for the sixth seed in the Eastern Confernece, and they were playing at home, but Philly fell behind by 19 points before rallying to take a one-point lead in the fourth quarter. Unfortunately for them, coming back from huge deficits isn't a good formula for success, and they got out-clutched by 'Melo and Tony Douglas.

Now they're in seventh place.

Said Doug Collins: "How many times did it look like our guys were just dead in the water tonight? Typical 76ers team of this year. Fought, fought, fought. Somehow, we had a one-point lead."

Yeah. And the patient almost lived.

Not that it really matters. Sixth or seventh...they'll be facing the Celtics or Heat, which will likely mean a very short playoff run.

Both teams shot 41 percent, but New York went 11-for-31 from downtown while the Sixers were 2-for-18. They also bricked eight freebies in a five-point loss.

The Washington Wizards Generals: According to ESPN Stats and Information: "Jordan Crawford and Andray Blatche each scored 20 points in the first half for the Wizards Generals. Its just the third time this season two players from the same team scored at least 20 points in the first half. Dwyane Wade and LeBron James each did it on March 3 vs the Magic. Derrick Rose and Luol Deng each did it March 22 vs the Hawks."

Nice accomplishment.

Sadly, the Generals let the Pacers shoot 59.5 percent for the game and trailed by as many as 29 before helplessly succumbing to a 136-112 loss.

Thanks to this win, Indy has officially ended a four-year playoff drought. Much credit goes to coach Frank Vogel, who inherited a team that was 10 games below .500 and is now only seven games below .500. I'm sure you'll agree that's an amazing accomplishment and it's hard to imagine the Pacers improving by three games under former coach Jim O'Brien. Was that sarcastic enough?

Said Vogel: "I'm just really, really happy for a lot of people. I'm so happy for our fans. It's going to be a fun ride."

Yes, a very fun ride, for about four playoff games.

By the way, you know what this also means, right? Mike Dunleavy Jr.'s first ever playoff appearance! Yes!!

Said Funleavy: "It feels great, but I really didn't think it would take nine years to do this."

Yeah, right, anyway. For fun, here's Trey Kirby's list of the things that have happened since Washington's last three-game winning streak (via chris).

The Toronto Craptors: They trailed by as many as 22 and lost 104-96 at home to...

...the Cleveland Cadavers. Cut it up:


Bonus bawful stat: The teams combined to brick 23 free throw attempts.

The Charlotte Bobcats: They lost an overtime game at home to the Magic and were officially eliminated from the playoffs. But we knew that was gonna happen.

Time for the "Lonley Man Theme" from the old Hulk TV show, wouldn't you say?


Movin' on...

The Orlando Magic: At what price victory? Yes, they win in Charlotte, but that victory is gonna cost them. Behold:


It's hard to imagine Dwight's tech being rescinded, and Richardson should almost certainly earn at least a one-game suspension for a two-handed face shove, which will leave the Magic miserably short-handed for their home game against the Bulls on Sunday. Sounds like it's time for Gilbert Arenas to step up!

The New Jersey Nyets: Deron Williams missed the game and Detroit shot 55.1 percent (despite going 1-for-7 on threes) and...the Pistons went to a zone because Brook Lopez was dominating (39 points) and...you know what? I can't even pretend to care about this meaningless game.

The Houston Rockets: The Hornets officially clinched a playoff spot at the expense of the Rockets, who built a 17-point lead but couldn't hang on. While

Give 'em credit, tho'. Despite all the injuries and misfortune, they had a nice run after the All-Star break and could have qualified for the postseason with a few more wins. Man, just imagine how good this team could be next year if Yao Ming stays healthy...

...oh, wait, nevermind.

I'm sorry, what's that, you say? Houston hasn't been mathematically eliminated? Well, that's true, they would have to lose a game or have Memphis win one to be truly and utterly eliminated from the playoff race. But let's be realistic.

Said Kyle Lowry: "It hurts. This can't be happening right now...with all the work that we've put in just to get this far and this close."

If ever there was a time for sad trombone, this is it.

Oh, and we have to do "The Lonely Man" again.


The Milwaukee Bucks: They beat the Dwyane Wade-less cHeat, which was nice, but they were officially eliminated from the playoffs when the Pacers beat the Generals.


The Miami cHeat: Yes, the were without D-Wade, but the Bucks were playing in Miami on the second night of back-to-backs. Milwaukee ended up taking a 17-point lead and then holding off a cHeat rally to win 90-85. Amazingly, Miami went with a zone defense for most of the game and then abandoned it in the fourth quarter...during which they got outscored 27-22. That was Milwaukee's highest scoring quarter of the game. Hell, I'd have to check, but it might be their highest scoring quarter of the season. Man, they suck on offense.

Anyway, this drops the cHeat a half game behind Boston for the second seed in the East. Even if Miami wins out, the Celtics would have to lose two games for the cHeat to overtake them. This won't matter for the first round. But it will probably matter if the teams face off in the second round.

It also means they're going to finish, at best, 14 games short of 72 wins.

Erik Spoelstra, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Aaron: "Nobody said this was going to be easy."

Hubie Brown, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From BadDave: "LeBron is the best at catching people from behind."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: The good vibes from Kevin Love's epic double-double streak are long gone. In face, Love is injured and not playing. And get this: Thanks to the Cadavaers' victory over the Craptosaurs and Minnesota's 108-98 home loss to the Suns, the Timberpoops -- who have lost 11 in a row and 22 of theihr past 26 games -- officially have the worst record in the league (17-62).

Said Minny coach Kurt Rambis: "I feel bad for our guys. It's very hard emotionally on the players to go through a season like this."

I've said it before and I'm saying it again: 2010-11 has been like a season-long clothesline from Kevin McHale for Rambis and the Timberwolves.

Best of the Night: Darko Milicic: Manna from Heaven indeed. H/T to Basketbawful reader Nico.

The Los Angeles Clippers: This loss was just so Clippery. Blake Griffin scored 35 points and dunked the ball eight times [!!], but with the Clippers down 108-105 with 14 seconds left, Blake blew a dunk while getting fouled. Then he missed the first of two free throws, which pretty much screwed any chance The Other L.A. Team had of tying the game.

Said Griffin: "I should have made that dunk. I should have had a chance to tie the game. I am disappointed that I missed it."

Enjoy this, folks, 'cause the Clippers will slowly drain poor Griffin of the will to care about anything but escaping the ravenous maw of suck Donald Sterling has created.

In related news, the Thunder earned their first division title since 2006, when they were called the SuperSonics and located in Seattle. That means this franchise has two division titles in two different cities in the past five seasons. Meanwhile, the Clippers have never won a division title. Ever. And you know what? I didn't even bother to fact check that statement. I don't have to. They're the Clippers.

They are who we thought they were.

The Dallas Mavericks: Holy shit. Remember back when the Mavs were on that 18-1 run and everybody was talking about how great they were and how they could definitely go to the NBA Finals? But I kept saying, "Uhm, they're the Mavericks, just wait and they'll melt down."

I'm not saying I told you so. I'm not saying it. But -- courtesy of last night's home loss to the Nuggets -- Dallas has lost four in a row and are 8-9 in their last 17 games. And whereas, not too long ago, they had their sights set on the top seed in the West, now they're clinging to a one-game lead over the Thunder for the three seed. And OKC has the tiebreaker.

Said Dirk Nowitzki: "I don't think it does any good to watch [the standings] now. We've got to start playing better and feel good about ourselves going into the playoffs."

Added coach Rick Carlisle: "Right now, with our team, we're not about measuring sticks. It's about getting our physical and mental disposition where it needs to be and move forward feeling like we're making progress."

Mmm. Just sounds like a team ready for another first round upset, doesn't it?

The Excremento Kings: The Spurs shot 60 percent from the field and downtown, lead by 30+ points and won 124-92. The Paupers were basically a prop a San Antonio got their 60th win and locked up the first seed in the Western Conference. Speaking of which...

The Los Angeles Lakers: Ah, the 2010-11 Los Angeles Lakers. They're like the cool grandpa who tells these amazing, fantastic, phenomenal stories...but keeps dozing off in the middle of them. All season long, L.A. has had stretches where they just fall asleep at the wheel and drive right off the road. As recently as last weekend, the Lakers appeared to be this close to overtaking the Spurs and earning the West's top seed. Now they've lost three in a row, two at home, and two to sub-.500 teams.

Honestly, I had this game pegged as a loss after receiving the following text from chris: "Wow. Espn ticker notes that the warriors have only beat the lakers three out of their last 29 matchups. Mind = blown."

Talk about epic stat cursery. I mean, how else can you explain the Warriors leading by as many as 19 and winning 95-87 despite shooting 38.7 percent from the field and only 7-for-25 from three-point range?

And check out this paragraph from the AP recap: "The Lakers were in constant confusion and made mistake after mistake -- often in glaring fashion -- with Bryant shouting at teammates after seemingly every one. Some passes went into the stands, shots weren't falling and there was little hustle."

But, the Lakers haven't worried about winning or losing all season, so why worry now?

Said Ron Artest: "I'm not worried about us. We'll be all right."

Added Andy Bynum "We're not locked in. We're complacent. I just think we're going out there and playing kind of stupid basketball. We know that come playoff time, everything's going to be fine."

I like that "We'll try when it matters" attitude. Keep it up, guys.

Chris's Unfathomable Lacktion Ledger:

Generals-Pacers: JaVale McGee was perfect from the field (on one try) and added a board in 9:24, only to lose the rock twice and foul five times for a 7:3 Voskuhl.

Jeff Foster fomented two boards in 7:27, but fouled twice and turned over the ball once for a 3:2 Voskuhl for Indiana.

Happy Cadavers-Craptors: Manny Harris manhandled the celebratory activities tonight for Cleveland, bricking thricely in 12:44 and also fouling twice, taking a rejection, and giving away the ball for an impressive +7 suck differential!!

Bucks-El (Oh El) Heat: Zydrunas Ilgauskas ignored an assist in 4:20 with two bricks (one from Bicentennial Park) and a foul for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Suns-Wolves: Garret Siler sauntered into lacktivity with a foul and turnover in 2:04 for a +2 and a 2:0 Voskuhl; Robin Lopez laid yet another mediocre performance by covering up a board in 6:12 with three bricks and three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl; finally, Zabian Dowdell hunted down a fortune of 3.4 trillion (3:24) in futile celebration.

The Purple Paupers Whose Fans Are Doing More For Getting A New Arena Here In Two Weeks Than The Maloofs Have In Twelve Years-Spurs: Pooh Jeter bothered to brick once in 2:58 for a +1.

Nuggets-Mavs: DeShawn Stevenson fouled twice in 5:22 as starting guard and added a turnover and three bricks (twice from the JPMorgan Chase Tower) for a +6.

----

BTW, a shout out to ESPNEWS's ticker this afternoon, which kept pointing out that the Lakers had won 12 straight and 26 of the last 29 against the Warriors. Great stat curse action, guys (as Bawful himself predicted in a text!).

Worst of the Night: April 5, 2011

Mamba: The Hands of Fail.
The Houston Rockets: Ah, the end of the regular season, when weird shit starts happening all across the NBA landscape. Teams that have been eliminated from postseason contention start busting their asses. Teams fighting for a playoff spot or better seeding inexplicably face plant. This stuff happens every season...and this season is no exception.

Take the recently red-hot Rocketeers, who had won eight of their last 10 games and began the night with a 15-5 record since the All-Star break. Thanks to a loss by the Grizzlies (see below), Houston had a very real chance to make up some serious ground in their bid to claim the eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference. All they had to do was win at home against the lowly Purple Paupers.

Instead, the Rockets let Sacramento shoot 53 percent from the field (despite going 1-for-11 from three-point range) while shooting 42.6 percent themselves. And you want to talk about being weak inside? The Kings scored 58 points in the paint and won the rebounding battle 46-43. Houston also bricked seven of their 21 foul shots...and lost by three. (According to the AP game notes, the Rockets had only missed a total of 13 freebies over their past five games.)

And trust me: The Kings tried to lose this game. The Sactowners fouled Kyle Lowry on three-point attempts twice in the final minute but managed to win despite their typical ineptitude (17 turnovers).

Said Kevin Martin: "From the tipoff, we just seemed to not have our energy that we had for the last couple of months. It's a bad time of year to not play like you've been playing for the last couple of months. For whatever reason, we just looked really tired in a lot of spurts."

Really tired in a lot of spurts? Uh, moving on, then.

Added Lowry: "The last month, we've been playing extremely hard. When the shots didn't fall, I think the frustration got to us a little bit."

I guess that's what happens when you basically have no margin for error.

The Memphis Grizzlies: And apparently it happens when you do have some margin for error. Memphis hasn't locked up anything. Well, except maybe Zach Randolph's next big contract, after which I expect him to revert to the Z-Bo of old.

But that's beyond the point.

The Grizzlies, who had won four in a row and are trying to secure a playoff spot, got outscored 23-13 in the fourth quarter and lost 82-81 at home to...

...the Los Angeles Clippers. This is where I point out that The Other L.A. Team shot only 41 percent, missed eight free throws, gave up 20 fast break points, got outrebounded and committed 20 turnovers. And Memphis lost. It didn't help that the Griz shot 39.5 percent (including 1-for-9 from downtown) and registered only 11 assists to 14 turnovers.

And they couldn't even get some home cookin' down the stretch. From the AP recap:

The game's closing seconds were marked with confusion and a review by officials. With 5.7 seconds left, Clippers guard Eric Bledsoe stumbled out of control down the lane, running into Tony Allen.

Officials reviewed the play to see if there was a shot clock violation. They ruled there was no shot clock violation, but officials differed on whether to call Allen for a block or Bledsoe for a charge.

A double foul was the result, leading to a jump ball. The Clippers controlled the tip and ran out the clock, as the Grizzlies couldn't reach them to foul.

"I had no idea," Griffin said when asked if he understood what happened on the play. "I was talking to one ref, and he called a charge. [Official] Violet [Palmer] called a block. Then I heard them talking about the time and talking about the shot clock."

For once, in a game involving the Clippers, it was the other team who was who we thought they were.

Said Randolph: "It was a tough game all around. I don't think we came out ready. [We] came out taking this team too lightly. Let them stick around in the game. And you see what happened."

Added Allen: "You can't take these teams lightly, these teams that don't have nothing to do for the postseason. They're coming out here and playing with pride."

The Clippers. Playing with pride. Who saw that coming?

The Portland Frail Blazers: The Frail Blazers were trying to clinch a playoff spot and that's exactly what they did...despite losing 108-87 at home to the lottery-bound Gol_en State Warriors. Portland shot 41 percent (including 3-for-21 from beyond the arc) got outrebounded 47-40 and trailed by as many as 26 points. Believe it or not, the game was tied at halftime, but the Blazers got outscored 37-21 in the third quarter and that pretty much sealed their fate.

And again: This happened in Portland.

Said Brandon Roy: "We didn't play well at all."

Added Andre Miller: "You never want to throw away games. [The Warriors] knew that and they're not going to the playoffs."

Way to return to the postseason, Blazers. [throws confetti]

The Charlotte Bobcraps: Their playoff odds were already grim. But that shouldn't have been something a game against the Cadavers couldn't have fixed. For a night anyway. Only Charlotte shot 39 percent, gave up 20 fast break points, and fell behind by as many as 21 before losing 99-89 in Cleveland. Next up for the Bobcraps: A home game against the Magic and a road game against the Heat.

Ruh roh, Raggy.

Kwame Brown: "To lose a game like this, it's definitely a winnable game. To get down like we did, that was the ballgame. We've got to win every game we can."

I can see why the AP quoted Brown. That was, uhm, really revealing.

Added Gerald Henderson: "We aren't going to make the playoffs if we don't come to play. It's unfortunate to start games like that and expect to play in the postseason. It's just not going to happen if we continue to do that these next few games."

Correction, Gerald: It's just not going to happen. Period.

The Los Angeles Lakers: The Jazz -- who were riding an eight-game losing streak and had been eliminated from the playoffs at home by the Lakers last Friday -- shot 40 percent from the field, bricked 10 of their 23 free throw attempts and committed 17 turnovers.

Mind you, Utah's crappy crap performance happened in L.A. against a Lakers team that's been making a furious run at overtaking the Spurs for the number one seed in the Western Conference. But the Jazz won.

Or, more accurately, the Lakers lost.

L.A. went 31-for-82 from the field (37.8 percent) and 4-for-20 on threes (20 percent) while getting outrebounded 52-49 (including 16-14 on the offensive glass). They also committed 19 turnovers and gave up 22 fast break points. The 57 points they scored through three quarters was a season low. And rookie Gordon Hayward outdueled Kobe Bryant.

No, really.

Hayward scored a career-high 22 points on 9-for-14 shooting to go along with 6 rebounds and 5 assists. He also hit the go-ahead free throw with six seconds left. The man who fouled him? Kobe. Oh, and I forgot to mention this dunk, which happened after Hayward walked right around Mr. All NBA Defensive First Team:


Hayward was playin' D, too.


And Hayward was defending Byrant on the game's final play, which ended when Kobe laughably lost the ball at the buzzer. The AP even referred to Bryant's failure as "meek" and his final attempt to score "ill-concieved."

Said Bryant: "It slipped. It slipped out of my hands."

Somewhere, presumably, Henry Abbott is raising his pinky finger to his lips and uttering his best Dr. Evil laugh.

Said Lamar Odom: "This was our worst game of the year. We didn't deserve to win, [but] we've had no problem bouncing back all year. We'll be fine. Our energy was just bad all the way around. ... You can't dissect this game. Nothing is there."

For fun, here's the full video of Hayward's highlights:


Kobe Bryant, quote machine: On whether the Lakers can take anything from the loss: "Out of this game? No. Flush that shit down the toilet and move on to the next one."

Phil Jackson, quote machine: "I wish Gordon Hayward would have stayed in college and helped Butler last night instead of kicking our butt."

The Milwaukee Bucks: Last year's feel-good story -- Fear the Deer! -- has given way to the reality that Milwaukee's hopes were resting on Corey Maggette, Drew Gooden and John Salmons. People picked this team to win the Central Division? Really?

Last night, the Bucks shot 36 percent and scored only 72 points in a loss to the Magic. A loss tonight in Miami against a rested Heat team will officially eliminate them from the postseason. I think we all know what this means.

Said Milwaukee coach Scott Skiles: "We had our chances. As poorly as we played, our defense hung in there and gave us a chance to win. We just couldn't take advantage of it."

Story of the season for the Bucks.

The Toronto Craptors: And finally: A team bawful enough to just roll over and lose to a team with something to play for. The Knicks shot a blistering 57.7 percent and registered 31 assists on 45 field goals. Meanwhile, the Craptosaurs managed only 11 assists despite scoring 118 points and converting 45 field goals. That kinda tells you something, right?

What should also tell you something is that Toronto trailed by as many as 29 points before making the final score somewhat respectable. You know what? Scratch that last statement. A 131-118 loss isn't respectable for either team. I mean, technically speaking, the Knicks won their fourth game in a row, crawled a game over .500 and pulled to within a half game of the sixth seed in the East. But their defense isn't scaring anyone. Other than scoreboard operators hoping to avoid carpel tunnel.

Back to the Craptors: The Knicks scored a season-high 78 points in the first half. Yeah. You know what that means, right?


The Phoenix Suns: They came back from a 22-point third quarter deficit to put a minor scare into a half-interested Bulls team...but lost anyway. Yep. That's the 2010-11 Phoenix Suns for ya. This game did have two great Steve Nash moments tho': First, Steve had a wardrobe malfunction. Later, he undressed Carlos Boozer by dishing to Marcin Gortat through Boozer's legs. It's not the Suns making the playoffs...but I'll take what I can get from them right now.


Crap games: Let's see: The Nyets pulled out a 107-105 home win over the Timberwolves and the Wizards Generals eked out a 107-105 home win over the Pistons. (That's not a typo. Both games ended with identical scores.) Bad teams duking it out with nothing on the line at the end of the season...that's what we call scalpers night off, folks.

The Atlanta Hawks: Allow me to show you how not surprised I was by their homecourt fail against the Spurs by not giving any details about the game.

Chris's Amazing Lacktion Ledger:

Bobcats-Happy Cadavers: Joey Graham crumbled from the field, with a trio of bricks in 9:35 and a foul for a celebratory +4.

Wolves-Nyets: Dan Gadzuric countered an assist in 4:21 with three fouls and a turnover for a 3:0 Voskuhl.

Bucks-Magic: Larry Sanders had a steal guest on his statline in 6:55, as well as a made free throw...only to foul thricely for a 3:1 Voskuhl ratio.

Pissed-ons-Generals: Ben Wallace botched two boards with three fouls in 8:21 for a 3:2 ratio - the 100th baller this year to score a Voskuhl!!!!!!! - while fellow Oakland County resident DaJuan Summers bricked once from Woodward Avenue and fouled once for a +2 in 1:52.

Sixers-Celtics: Mareese Speights bricked twice and took a rejection for a +3 in 2:48, while Boston's Sasha Pavlovic fouled once in 2:12 for a +1.

Suns-Bulls: In the highly unanticipated rematch of the 1993 Finals, Robin Lopez laid yet another egg by countering a block with a brick, four fouls, and a turnover for a 5:0 Voskuhl in 3:04! Meanwhile, Chicago's Kurt Thomas bricked and fouled once in 2:43 for a +2 and a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Clippers-Grizzlies: Craig Smith bricked once in 3:26 for a +1. Darrell Arthur gave the baby cubs two boards in 14:20, but bricked seven times, fouled twice, and lost the rock twice for a 4:2 Voskuhl. Ishmael Smith tossed two misses in 5:41 for a +2.

Thunder-Nuggets: Timofey Mozgov panned a 1.1 trillion treasure (1:08) (Mozgov got hurt and thus did not score lacktion), while Kosta Koufos collected two airballs in 2:39 for a +2.

Warriors-Frail Blazers: East Oakland's Ekpe Udoh was 66% from the field (on three tries) and garnered a board in 18:48 as starting big man...but fouled four times and lost the rock twice for a 6:5 Voskuhl.

Jazz-Lakers: Francisco Elson fouled twice against a board for a 2:1 Voskuhl in 3:18, while Luke Walton had the SUCKIEST APRIL 5, 2011 OF ALL TIME by bricking four times (once from the Library Tower) and taking a rejection for a +5 in 5:07!!!

Worst of the Night: March 30, 2011

Rashan S. Michel: He attacked Dominque Wilkins?! Read on true believers:

The Atlanta Hawks say Hall of Famer Dominique Wilkins was attacked by a fan after their victory over the Orlando Magic.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that the attacker was a former NBA referee, Rashan S. Michel.

Michel, who was arrested and charged with simple battery, said Wilkins owed him money, Atlanta police told the newspaper.

Wilkins is a vice president with the team and serves as a television analyst. He had just finished working Atlanta's 85-82 victory Wednesday night from his customary spot on press row when the alleged incident occurred at Philips Arena.

Team spokesman Arthur Triche says the attacker was "promptly arrested and taken into custody by the Atlanta police department." Wilkins was not injured.

Bizarre. The first thing I thought when I read this was: "You know, 'Nique never even made it to a conference finals. What could he possibly owe a referee money for?"

The Orlando Magic: Dwight Howard shut down by lacktion specialist Jason Collins? But...but...I thought only Kendrick Perkins could do that. From the AP recap:

Collins went body-to-body with Howard in a bruising matchup, helping limit the Orlando star to 17 points on 4-of-13 shooting.

"I was just trying to play physical with him," Collins said. "I try to eye him up when he crosses halfcourt. I want to meet him early, before he gets close to the basket."

Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy was impressed.

"That's the best defense I've seen all year on Dwight," Van Gundy said. "Against Collins, he didn't get a lot of good shots. I thought he did a great job on him. He's big and physical. He doesn't give you anything easy. Dwight had trouble getting good, on-balance shots."

Pumaman's struggles aside, I'm trying not to overreact to Orlando's loss in Atlanta, but it's hard. Their schedule is pretty light on quality wins, especially lately, even if they did beat Miami back on March 3. The Magic just feel like a team teetering on it last legs. Ditching Rashard Lewis and Vince fucking Carter were good things. Very good things. But the bold acquisitions of Gilbert Arenas, Hedo Turkoglu and Jason Richardson haven't been complete failures...but they're pretty close.

As it is, the formula for beating Orlando is simple: Play Dwight physically and guard the three-point line. That's what Atlanta did last night (the Magicians were 7-for-23 from downtown). It worked. Barely. But it worked.

I could definitely see the Hawks upsetting the Magic in the first round of the playoffs. Of course, the Dirty Birds are a mess, too, so who knows? Neither team is advancing past the second round. I'll tell you that right now.

The Detroit Pistons: Another loss, their fourth in five games, and their ninth straight on the road. The Pistons 7-30 outside of Detroit this season and they haven't won on the road since February 9. In Cleveland. Just that kinda season for the Pistons I guess.

Said Greg Monroe: "It is something we are going to have to fix. We are going to have to bring extra energy on the road. We just have to match the other team's intensity."

Added Detroit coach John Kuester: "We're trying different things right now, trying to get something going so we can win that road game. But I'll tell you, our energy is so much better at home, compared to on the road."

Reality check: The Pistons are 22 games under .500. They go through starting lineups the way Charlie Sheen goes through crazy pills. What different things are left they haven't tried? Voodoo? Goat sacrifice? Fish oil?

The Houston Rockets: Their hopes for a first round postseason elimination got a little dimmer last night in Philadelphia, where they lost 108-97 and fell a full three games behind the Grizzlies for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. Don't feel bad, Houston fans. On the bright side: Lottery pick!

The Minnesota Timberwolves: The Bulls blew out the T-Wolves, blah, blah, blah. Same old story for the worst team in the Western Conference.


In honor of how much the Timberwolves bore me, and because Carlos Boozer rented his Beverly Hills mansion to Prince, I present this classic Dave Chappelle skit:


Heat-WizardsGenerals: This one sure got surprisingly ugly:


From the AP recap:

The 6-foot-4 Wall moved out to play tight defense on 7-3 center Ilgauskas near the 3-point arc. While protecting the ball, Ilgauskas appeared to elbow Wall in the face at least once. Wall responded by swinging his right hand at Ilgauskas.

"Got hit by the elbow and reacted to it. Disappointed in the way I reacted. I let my teammates down, let the organization down," Wall said. "It was two elbows. I got hit with the first one; I stopped and waited. And the second one, I got hit, and I just reacted."

As officials went to intervene, Wizards center JaVale McGee arrived to separate Wall and Ilgauskas and was pushed away by Heat backup forward Howard. At the same time, Wizards coach Flip Saunders left the sideline and stepped on the court to try to pull away McGee before exchanging words with Howard.

"We both just kind of asked where are we going to go out for dinner after the game," Saunders said.

McGee's take: "Ilgauskas tried to punk [Wall], hit him in the face with his elbow. Obviously, [Wall] wasn't going for it. ... I went over there to break it up, and Juwan Howard tried to come over and blindside, push me or whatever."

The game was delayed by more than 10 minutes while officials huddled around a TV to watch replays. Eventually, Wall and Ilgauskas were each assessed a flagrant foul-2 and ejected. Howard was called for a technical foul and ejected for escalation; McGee was called for a technical but allowed to stay in the game.

LeBron James, quote machine, Part 1: Regarding a foul committed against him by Maurice Evans: "I don't know if Mo Evans intentionally wants to be dirty. I watch a lot of basketball. I see a lot of basketball every day, and anytime when someone gets grabbed around the neck, it's an automatic flagrant-1. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. Sometimes it's unfair, because of how strong I am, you know. I can take the punishment of course, but at the same time, I think it's unfair sometimes."

LeBron James, quote machine, Part 2: On the MVP race: "Right now, statistically, it's probably one of the best years I've had. But we'll see. The media kind of controls it. You've got some guys here that have done their job also. At one point, I thought Dirk was also [worthy] until he got hurt. But Derrick Rose definitely has gotten a lot of the exposure and a lot of the media attention because of the work he's done. He's playing some unbelievable basketball."

The Toronto Raptors: A home loss in which they allowed the offensively challenged Milwaukee Bucks rack up an Offensive Rating of 121.7? Cue up the video:


That's five losses in a row and...however many of however many. Look, this team loses a lot, okay? The Craptosaurs are 20-54 and only five games better than the Cleveland Cadavers. I'm sorry, Toronto fans. I'm just so sorry.

Byron Scott, quote machine: No, I'm not giving the Cadavers a WotN entry because they lost by a point on a free throw with 14 seconds left on the road one night after upsetting the Heat. I will give coach Scott a quote machine entry, tho'. From the AP game notes:

Scott was still steaming over the officials incorrectly counting James' 55-foot buzzer-beater at the end of the third quarter Tuesday following a clock error. "I used my initials. I told them it was BS," Scott said. "If they want to just give them the game, give them the game."

Most coaches aren't that bitter after a double-digit win over a much better team. But, hey, in Scott's defense, most people don't have to coach a team as lousy as the Cadavers.

The New Jersey Nyets: Remember the Nyets fan that went crazy when Deron Williams hit a big shot against the Celtics a couple weeks ago?


Well, he didn't get to go crazy last night, assuming he was watching the Nyets come up short against the Knicks last night. D-Will badly missed a potential game-tying 17-footer with four seconds left, went after the rebound and then dropped to the floor like a sandbag. I'm not saying I enjoyed seeing that. But after what happened in Utah this season, I kind of enjoyed seeing that.

I love this ESPN video called "Melo's Strong Defense Helps Beat Nets." New Jersey finished with an Offensive Rating of 119.3 while New York's was 123.4. So, uh, yeah. I don't think "the defense" was being played by anybody last night.

The Portland Frail Blazers: Ruh roh, Raggy. The David West-less Hornets capitalized a big game by Carl Landry (21 points), Willie Green's 10-point fourth quarter and Portland's 9 second half turnovers to earn a 95-91 win and overtake the Blazers for sixth place in the West.

Willie Green!
The biggest TO of the game was when Andre Miller coughed up the ball on a drive when the Blazers were down only 91-88 with 13 seconds left.

Said Portland coach Nate McMillan: "It was turnovers. They were huge. You can't have those mistakes going down the stretch."

Added Gerald Wallace: "This one hurts, especially a game that we feel like we controlled for the first quarter-and-a-half. In the second half, they kind of took control and forced us to play back on our heels."

Willie Green, quote machine: "It was good to get up there and dunk. I'm going to laugh and talk with my teammates about it. They were a little caught off guard. I was a little caught off guard. I don't dunk that much."

The Gol_en State Warriors: After his team's 110-94 loss in Memphis -- in which the Grizzlies shot 56.5 percent from the field and finished with an O-Rating of 126.1 -- Warriors coach Keith Smart said: "I think because we are a team that is still growing, you have to understand how to win on the road and how to win in tough buildings and tough environments. And how to win when you are tired and banged up at this time of the year. This is all a learning stage for us."

Huh. I wonder where "fire head coach after yet another disappointing season" comes in the learning stage?

Lionel Hollins, quote machine: "[The Warriors] were dragging a little bit. It's late in the season. I always say when you start putting pressure on teams that are near or out of the playoffs, you tend to find out if they'll fight, and most nights they don't. They didn't have enough fight. It's a long season, and they were losing and tired from a game [Tuesday] night. We just did what we had to do."

The Sacramento Kings: Yeah, yeah, the Kings lost. More interesting is that the Nuggets continued their crazy run...they're now 13-4 since the 'Melo trade.

The Phoenix Suns: After the Suns were outscored 37-25 in the fourth quarter of last night's 116-98 home loss to the Thunder -- their fourth loss in a row -- Marcin Gortat said: "It was a bad night for us. We played terrible defense. We played with no toughness or physicality."

What do you expect on a night when Vince Carter leads the team in scoring?

The Los Angeles Clippers: Talk about crippling sequences. Mind you, I suspect the Clips were losing this game no matter what, but they were down only 89-80 with 6:01 remaining when Mo Williams (19 points, 9-for-9 from the line, 5 assists) got called for a foul against J.J. Barea. Mo wasn't happy and bitched his way into two techs and an ejection. Dirk Nowitzki hit the technical free throws and Barea knocked down the freebies from Mo's foul. When Chris Kaman threw the ball away on L.A.'s next possession, Dallas ran down and got a three-pointer from Barea. And just like that, The Other L.A. Team was down 16. They made the final score respectable...but that was pretty much the game.

Said Eric Gordon: "We lost control of the game when we had all those technical fouls. That gave them a good run and those were free points we gave them. They just got a lot of calls."

And the Clippers just are who we thought they were.

Chris's Mighty Lacktion Ledger:

Magic-Hawks: Malik Allen made himself a rectangular piece of masonry in 1:24 for a +1, while Jeff Teague added a foul to his own brick in 2:54 for a +2.

Rockets-Sixers: Mike Harris and DeMarre Carroll had 52 seconds of clearing out the sewer systems for the Rockets, leading to a stint as MARIO TWINS!

Bucks-Craptors: Welcome back to lack, Sonny Weems! Mr. Weems rollerskated into riches with an exact 7.7 trillion (7:42)

Heat-Generals: Jamaal Magloire marred a made free throw with a turnover and a run-in with King Koopa in 48 seconds for a non-lacktive Mario.

For the professional opponents from the District, Kevin Seraphin stiffed two boards in 8:43 with two fouls, one turnover and no shot attempts for a 3:2 Voskuhl. Hamady N'Diaye went statless in the same time period as Magloire to be an opposing-team Mario Twin.

Warriors-Grizzlies: Jeff Adrien bricked twice in 2:16, fouled once, and took two rejections for a +5! Memphis's Ishmael Smith gained enough in 66 seconds to hold a celebratory treasure worth 1.1 trillion.

Frail Blazers-Hornets: Quincy Pondexter had exactly half a minute to compose a tune in Mario Paint, while Patrick Ewing Jr. chewed on a gold bar worth 1.6 trillion (1:37)!

Thunder-Suns: Nate Robinson rolled in the dough with a 1.1 trillion (1:05).

Mavs-Clippers: Eric Bledsoe bottled up a foul in 1:40 for a +1.

Worst of the Night: March 29, 2011

The Miami cHeat: As Basketbawful reader Aaron said: "The Heat can only beat bad teams" is no longer true!

Despite LeBron's big night -- 27 points, 12 assists, 10 rebounds, 20,562 boos and a three-pointer that shouldn't have counted -- the lowly Cadavers beat the mighty cHeat in what may be the greatest underdog story since Peter La Fleur's misfits from Average Joe's defeated White Goodman and his Globo-Gym team at the American Dodgeball Association of America tournament in Las Vegas.

I know what you're probably saying: Something like "Pffffft!!" or "Buhwhaaaaaa...?!" And not just because Globo-Gym wins in the alternate ending to Dodgeball. The idea that the worst team in basketball could defeat the Nazgul is nearly beyond belief. But I promise you: It's not a misprint. Not a typo. We're still two days away from April 1, so this isn't an April Fool's Day joke. Cleveland straight up took it to Miami despite the fact that (USELESS STAT ALERT!!) King Crab became the first (and only) player since Wilt Chamberlain to have a triple-double against a team he had won an MVP with.

So...how'd it happen?

From ESPN Stats and Information: "The Heat came into Tuesday's game ranked second in opponent field goal percentage. On Tuesday they allowed the Cavaliers to shoot 55.6 percent, giving up more than 12 percent on their season average. The Heat, who were outscored by 11 in the second quarter, allowed the Cavaliers to shoot 5-for-6 from outside of 15 feet including four 3-pointers in that quarter."

The Clevelanders finished with an eFG% of 62.7 percent and an Offensive Rating of 115.9. Miami could do nothing with J.J. Hickson (21 points and 12 rebounds) or Anthony Parker (20 points on 7-for-9 shooting).

Not only were the Cads red-hot, they held the cHeat to 42.3 percent shooting and outrebounded them 44-30. Cleveland led by as many as 23 points and held off a Miami rally to win by double digits. Speaking of which...

From ESPN Stats and Information: "Despite LeBron's historic effort, the Cavaliers beat the Heat by 12 to earn their first double-digit win this season. Every other team has at least four wins by 10 or more points. Should Cleveland not win one of its nine remaining games by double-digits, the Elias Sports Bureau says the Cavaliers would be just the second team ever to have fewer than two double-digit wins in a season. Cleveland would join the 1997-98 Raptors (one)."

I know, I know. Wow.

Said Anthony Parker: "The first time we played them here, we were embarrassed and they took a little from us. This is the night that we wanted to get that back, for us, but more for the fans. That was great getting it back for them."

Added cHeat coach Erik Spoelstra: "The majority of time in this league you get what you deserve and we got exactly what we deserved. They played harder than us. They came out with much more desperation and sense of urgency. This pattern started two games ago, and we're a little confused what our identity is."

Confused what our identity is? That's a weird statement.

But Coach Spo' is right about the Cads playing harder. Especially Ryan Hollins. I mean, damn, son. He would not be denied. And he would not be intimidated, no matter how butthurt D-Wade was feeling:


And Ryan wants the Boshtrich to know something: NOT IN MY HOUSE!!


Hollins' performance (13 points, 3 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 steals, 3 blocks, 12 free throw attempts and a plus-minus score of +33) focused the camera of shame both on Bosh's soiled panties (10 points, 5-for-14, 4 rebounds, a game-worst plus-minus of -24) and the extreme suck generated by Miami's bench (6 total points on 3-for-12 shooting). Yeah, we all know that Chris' nuts tend to shrivel when he encounters brute force and John Hollinger's "revelation" that the Heat reserves blow rocked our minds about as hard as that recent study that said open shots are better than contested shots...

...but I can't help but think back to the Miami teams from 2004-05 and 2005-06. You know, when they added Shaq, and guys like Damon Jones, Christian Laettner, Jason Kapono and James Posey started playing great. I mean, it's just weird, isn't it? The hallmark of great players is usually how they enhance the performance of their teammates. And while the Nazgul are surrounded by a bunch of stiffs, some of these stiffs have been servicable roleplayers on other teams. Why isn't playing with two MVP-caliber players making these guys any better?

Random statistical anomoly: Joel Anthony (0 points, 0-for-2, 2 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 steals, 0 blocks, 2 fouls) was the only Miami player with a positive plus-minus score (+13).

LeBron James: Skipping player introductions to avoid boos? Really? Cleveland took its medicine. You can take yours.

The New Jersey Nyets: Not sure what to say about this one: The Deron William-less Nyets fell behind 34-21 after 12 minutes, trailed by as many as 26 points and lost 112-87. At home. It was their third fail in a row and the seventh in eight games. Make it two straight seasons with at least 50 losses.

Screamed New Jersey coach Avery Johnson: "I'M DISAPPOINTED. WE CAN'T KEEP WRITING THESE OFF AS BAD GAMES. I'M A COMPETITOR. WE EXPECT MORE. I DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. WE JUST DIDN'T GET IT DONE TONIGHT."

The Gol_en State Warriors: Kevin Durant broke out of his self-described slump by scoring 39 points on 13-for-23 from the field, 3-for-5 from downtown and 10-for-12 from the line. It was the Durantula's highest scoring output since dropping 43 on the Hornets back on February 2.

And, hey, it happened against the Warriors! We are not surprised.

Minor Controversy Alert! The Thunder were down 111-109 when Durant used the so-called "rip" move that's become so popular among the league's perimeter scorers (Kobe does this a lot). You know, the one where the offensive player whips the ball and his arms up through the defender's outstretched arm, drawing a cheapie foul. Which Durant did. He went on to drain all three freebies to put OKC on top.

Gol_en State coach Keith Smart wasn't happy. How could he be? I mean, his team got penalized for finally playing some defense.

Said Smart: "That shouldn't be a call because defensive players, you're trying to tell your guys to get up on a good player. If the player's going to bait you into a foul -- and I understand it's a rule, so there's nothing we can do about it -- but ... who has the right to the space? We've got to come to a conclusion."

Apparently, we (and by "we" I mean "the league") have come to a conclusion, and conclusion seems to be that the offensive player has the right to that space.

The Phoenix Suns: Christ.

I really believe that triple-overtime loss to the Lakers was the death of the Suns' playoff hopes. Past that, the loss to the Hornets was the funeral and the loss to the Mavs was when they buried the coffin. Last night's loss to the Kings? That's was like a random homeless guy stumbling by and peeing on the grave.

The Kings?!

Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "You have to play your way into the playoffs. Right now, the way we're playing we don't deserve to be in the playoffs. All the teams we are chasing are really good. And we are not. We are still alive in the playoff race, but we are basically on life support."

It's true Phoenix hasn't been mathematically eliminated, but that says more about the failure of math than it does about the Suns' realistic chances of actually reaching the postseason. Besides, I'm not sure watching Vince Carter bricking contested three-pointers in a four-game sweep would make me feel any better about the way Robert Sarver is ruining the end of Steve Nash's career.

The Maloofs: From the AP recap:

Early Tuesday night, the Anaheim City Council voted 5-0 to approve a $75 million financial package to lure the Kings from Sacramento. The council also voted 5-0 to pay for the Kings' relocation.

Orange County billionaire Henry Samueli, who manages the Honda Center where the Kings would play, will finance the deal himself, while the city is issuing the bond package. Officials at the Honda Center announced Tuesday that they will be creating a waiting list for fans who have inquired about NBA tickets for next season.

At a press conference, Sacramento mayor Kevin Johnson, a former NBA star in Phoenix, said he's resigned to the Kings moving to Anaheim but expects the Maloof ownership group to pay its $77 million loan to the City of Sacramento.

From AnacondaHL: "The various Suns players and affiliates on Twitter were repeatedly mentioning that this could be the last time the Suns play in Sacramento, and then Channing Frye reveals the picture on the ticket which includes a fan holding up a picture that says 'I heart the O.C. #18.' Wow indeed."


Chris's Sad Lacktion Ledger:

El (Oh El) Heat-HAPPY Cavs: Erick Dampier gathered just one board in exactly 12 minutes as starting center, only to lose the rock twice and foul thricely for a 5:1 Voskuhl.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas bricked and lost the rock once, and fouled twice for a +4 and a 3:0 Voskuhl.

Eddie House bricked and fouled once each in 5:28 for a +2.

Meanwhile, for the WINNING Cleveland team, Joey Graham wired himself 3.1 trillion (3:05).

Worst of the Night: Quick hits

Pretty much sums it up, right?
The Boston Celtics: Memo to the Celtics: Get over your angst about the Kendrick Perkins trade, mmkay? It's time to wake the hell up and start playing the basketball again. You realize Perk only played with you for 12 games this season, right? You actually won games and played defense without him. You certainly didn't play any D last night. The Pacers -- who are 11 games below .500 and got blown out at home by the Kings last Friday -- finished with an Offensive Rating of 119.2.

Now, admittedly, they could have used Perkins last night. Shaq, The Drain and Troy Murphy were all out. Then, due to foul trouble, Nenad Krstic (17 minutes) and Kevin Garnett (25 minutes) spent more time on the pine than they did on the hardwood, and Roy Hibbert went berzerk (26 points on 12-for-17 shooting).

Said Doc Rivers: "Kevin and Nenad were in foul trouble, and tonight, we need that extra big body. Tonight, the foul trouble just killed us. It crushed us today."

Countered KG: "We became a great team because we were known to do it for 48 minutes. We seem to be missing that right now."

As a Celtics fan, I'm more concerned with the latter than I am the former.

Paul Pierce, quote machine: "In the most important part of the game, the fourth quarter, we couldn't get a stop right there. It's a weird time to be talking about this, when there are nine games left in the season."

Frank Vogel, quote machine: ""One day, probably when I'm old and gray, I'll try to figure out what was wrong with us -- why we can beat Boston, but lose to Sacramento and Detroit."

The Chicago Bulls: Late defensive stands and clutch play by Derrick Rose covered up for the fact that the Bulls didn't play particularly well against the Grizzlies and Bucks last weekend. Last night, the Windy City Stags again came out sluggish, trailing 27-13 at the end of the first quarter and 48-25 with just over four minutes to go before halftime. Their fourth quarter rally was busted up by Spencer Hawes, who hit back-to-back-to-back jumpers from 20, 20 and 17 feet. The comeback was also busted up by...

Derrick Rose: The Great Poohdini had a pretty sweet game -- 31 points, 12-for-24 from the field, 5 assists, 4 rebounds, 3 steals and a blocked shot -- but turned the ball over 10 miserable times. The kid also learned a valuable lesson: Being a superstar and MVP candidate doesn't mean you get the call every time you drive into contact. Rose had been earning whistles at will over the last few games. Last night, the refs swallowed their tweets, which led to missed shots and some of those turnovers.

The San Antonio Spurs: Eh, you expect a loss when Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker all sit out with injuries, but the Spurs have lost four in a row and their seemingly insurmountable lead in the West has shrunk to 3.5 games. Time for all-out panic? No. Time for some serious, chin-rubbing concern? Yes, I believe so.

The Milwaukee Bucks: Faced with a critical, must-win game against a struggling team, the Bucks...

...missed their last 11 shots and went scoreless in the final 3:52 of their one-point loss to the Bobcraps. That's the kinda season it's been for these Buckaroos.

Brandon Jennings, who went 2-for-12 in the fourth quarter, said: "It was a must-win game and we came up short. We had chances to do it and I take it on myself that I should have came up down the stretch and made big plays. But I didn't."

In the fial 15 seconds alone, Jennings missed two layups and a three.

The AP recap mentions that Andrew Bogut "was scoreless on 0-for-2 shooting in the fourth despite a huge size advantage." To which I say, uhm, if he had such a huge size advantage, why did Brandon Jennings take 12 shots to his two? Because the last time I checked, Jennings was shooting 38 percent for the season.

Oh, and the 'Craps were without centers Kwame Brown (personal reasons), Joel Przybilla (knee) and DeSagana Diop (Achilles' tendon). Give it to your big man, Brandon!

But what do I know?

Said Milwaukee coach Scott Skiles: "With 11 seconds left to go in the game, if you say you are going to get two layups and a wide-open 3 to win it and you don't even have the ball, you would take that. We just couldn't make that."

The Orlando Magic: Look: We all knew this was coming. At some point, the Knicks were gonna dig in their heels and beat a good team. The Magic were unlucky enough to be that team. But, hey, it happened on the road in overtime, and Orlando was missing Jameer Nelson, Quentin Richardson and J.J. Redick. So, you know, circumstances. But still, you never wanna be the team that let's another team off the hook, you know?

Kudos, though, to Dwight Howard for fouling out and earning a technical when his team was only down two points with 1:16 left in OT. Should knocking the ball off the backboard have been at tech? Maybe not. But Dwight has to know his constant barking and complaining have made the refs extra senstive to, you know, his barking and complaining.

Said Howard: "There's nothing you can do about it now. I just went for the rebound. I think that should have been a delay of game. Every time you roll the ball down the court, they usually call a delay of game, but it's cool, you know. I'll try to get it rescinded. If not, I'll just have to continue to play."

Added Gilbert Arenas: "I mean 99.9 percent when you throw the ball down the other side, it's a delay of game warning. They've got to call it how they see it. You can't put too much on what they do. They're human, too. The calls they see is the calls they're going to make."

Let me get this straight...both guys thought it should have been some kind of call...just not a technical. Here's an idea then: DON'T DO THAT.

Interesting factoid from ESPN Stats and Information: "It appears the Knicks play to the level of their competition. While Carmelo and Company are just 1-8 against teams with losing records, they are 7-4 vs teams .500 or better with the defense allowing more than 6 points fewer than against sub-par competition. Four of the Knicks eight remaining games are against teams over .500."

So the Knicks are good against good teams...and bad against bad teams. Well, you know what they say: Ninety percent of the game is mental, and the other half is physical.

The Utah Jazz: Well, the 1990-91 Sacramento Kings are safe. They will continue to be the only team in league history to go 1-40 on the road. Sacramento may lose their team...but they'll always have that. Thanks to the frickin' Jazz, who missed 11 free throws in an overtime loss, by the way. Man, I'm glad Jerry Sloan isn't around to deal with this crap. Oh, and check this out, from the AP recap:

Still, the loss gave Washington a series sweep. The Wizards won, 108-101 on Jan. 17. At the time, few realized it was the beginning of the end for the Jazz.

They were 27-13 going into that game, but have gone 9-26 since to fall out of the playoff hunt.

Giant, slapping facepalms, Batman.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Celtics-Pacers: Sasha Pavlovic bricked once from the OneAmerica Tower in 2:08 for a +1.

Magic-Knicks: Malik Allen derailed Link's adventure in 11 seconds for a Mario.

For the Knickerbockers, Shelden Williams fathered three boards in 15:51, only to brick and lose the rock once each and foul out for 7:3 Voskuhl. Jared Jeffries was perfect from the field (on one attempt) in 22:11 and also had a board, but fouled four times for a 4:3 Voskuhl.

Sixers-Bulls: Marreese Speights spoiled a board in 5:28 with a brick and three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Generals-Jazz: Hamady N'Diaye celebrated the silencing of the tabernacle choir with a 3.3 trillion gift (3:20).

Worst of the Night: Carmelanoma edition

Contact Merriam-Webster. We have a new picture for their "Pissy French Guy" entry.
Still battling flu-like symptoms, so bear with me.

The New York Nueva York Knicks: Jump into the WABAC machine, Sherman. We're flashing back to January 11, 2011. With a 100-86 win in Portland, the Knicks had won four of five (including a victory over the league-leading Spurs) and were a full seven games over .500 for the first time since the 2000-01 season when the team featured a starting lineup of Marcus Camby, Kurt Thomas, Allan Houston, Latrell Sprewell and Mark Jackson. Landry Fields looked like the draft steal of the century, Mike D'Antoni looked genius-y again, Amar''''''e Stoudemire and Raymond Felton looked like a legitimate NBA duo and the Knicks became one of the league's most talked about teams.

After that, there was all sorts of crazy talk going on, like Fields being a "much better guard" than Derrick Rose (according to advanced metrics) and therefore more deserving of an All-Star nod. STAT for MVP stories were all the rage and Stoudemire was even hearing "M-V-P!" chants at MSG. For the first time in more than a decade, New York fans were enjoying some actual positive mojo about their basketball team. Finally, it looked like the horror of the Isiah Thomas era was behind them.

Then enter...Isiah Thomas.

As much as the Knicks had improved, there was still a sense that they needed to add another superstar to compete with the Celtics, Heat and Lakers. Some early talk about a trade for Carmelo Anthony was seemingly quashed because Donnie Walsh and D'Antoni liked the roster and STAT was happy, maybe for the first time in his career, because he was finally The Man. But then rumor had it Isiah was pushing for a 'Melo trade behind the scenes. The Knicks denied it and we may never know the full extent of Isiah's possible involvement (or, as it may be, his non-involvement). All we know for sure is that Carmelo became a Knick...

...and things have gone to hell. Relatively speaking.

Let's return to March 23, 2011. After a 111-99 home loss in which they were outscored 32-21 in the fourth quarter -- and yes, there were boos -- the Knicks fell to three games below .500 since the 'Melo trade (7-10) and one game below .500 on the season (35.36). Anthony played reasonably well (24 points, 6-for-12, 9 assists), but Stoudemire had one of his worst games of the season (13 points, 6-for-20, 1-for-3 from the line). New York shot 40 percent, got outrebounded 49-35 and had only 8 fast break points.

It's safe to say things are not going according to plan.

Said Carmelanoma (nickname by stephanie g): "We just need to relax. I think it's, we put too much pressure on ourselves. We're losing games that we know we should be winning and we're just putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. I think we're playing too tense out there on the court, everybody just needs to relax. Just have fun."

As for STAT, he's just, you know, tired.

Said D'Antoni: "Amar'e's tired. We've worn him down a little bit and it showed tonight."

Funny. He didn't look all that tired before the 'Melo came to town. Wasn't the presence of another big-time scorer supposed to take the pressure off him?

Said Stoudemire: "I think we're all somewhat getting the fatigue factor setting in. It's been a crazy, crazy month for us so far, a lot of games in few nights. And so we played great in the first half, we applied so much energy, in the second half we just kind of run out a little bit there. But we'll be OK."

Yeah, but, Amar''''''e, you scored only 4 points on 2-for-8 shooting in the first half. You didn't play the day before. Are you saying you started the game tired?

The reality is: It ain't working. None of it. The pairing. The offense. The chemistry. The Knicks weren't great before the trade. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But they were better than this.

Is there a fix? I guess we'll find out.

The Boston Celtics: Remember: The Celtics are supposedly competing with the Bulls for the top spot in the Eastern Conference. To do that, they really need to come through in the "should win" games, like last night's home matchup with the Grizzlies. Memphis, as you may already know, just found out that Rudy Gay is out for the season. You'd think the Celts could have used that downer to their advantage.

But they did not.

Boston never could put the hammer down. The game was close all night, with Memphis playing ahead for much of the fourth quarter. Bottom line is: The C's couldn't score buckets when they needed them, with both Kevin Garnett (3-for-9) and Ray Allen (4-for-10) feeling frigid. But nobody on the team was colder than...

Rajon Rondo: He had 11 rebounds, 11 assists and 7 steals...good numbers. Damn good numbers. But he shot 2-for-12. And his last miss was his worst: With the Celtics trailing 88-87, Rondo rebounded Zach Randolph's miss, took it the length of the court and chucked up a one-handed floater that obviously didn't go in.

It's worth noting that Rondo is known for his decision-making and passing...not his clutch shooting. That's Paul Pierce's job. And, to that point, Pierce had 22 points on 6-for-9 shooting from the field, 2-for-3 from downtown and 8-for-8 from the line. Boston coach Doc Rivers didn't call timeout, trusting his point guard to know what was what, with "what" being "run a play that will get the ball in Pierce's hands."

Instead, Rondo clunked it and the Celtics lost.

Said Doc: "It's so easy to second-guess it now. I just think your best offensive player should always touch the ball on the last possession."

Ya think?

Pierce did get a chance to tie the game. But with only four seconds left and the aggressive defense of former Celtic Tony Allen, his three-point attempt was pretty far off the mark. Probably shouldn't have come to that, tho'.

At any rate, you don't want Rondo shooting in clutch situations. In fact, you don't really want him shooting at all these days. Ball don't lie. Splits don't, either. In the month of March, Rajon has converted 40 field goal attempts while missing 77. That gives him a 34.2 percent "success" rate on shot. In that stretch, he's attempted only 17 free throws and missed eight of 'em (52.9 percent). Not good.

Marc Gasol: With his team leading by three points with four seconds left, The Other Gasol Brother had the chance to ice the game at the free throw line. All he had to do was hit one of two. Just one of two. The results: Brick. Brick.

But I hear he makes 'em in practice.

Troy Murphy: Remember how excited the Celtics were about signing Murphy? Not only did they add a key frontcourt piece, they kept the Heat from getting their grubby paws on him. Win-win, right?! Wrong. Last night, Murphy would have ended up with a four trillion if not for his two turnovers. Meanwhile, former Celtic Leon Powe -- whom Danny Ainge could have picked up off waivers instead of signing Troy -- exploded off the Memphis bench, shooting 5-for-6 and scoring 13 points in 17 minutes. He also had a game-high plus-minus score of +12.

Said Doc Rivers: "Leon Powe was the baddest man on the planet tonight."

I guess that makes Murphy the bawfulest man on the planet.

Tony Allen, quote machine: On former teammate Paul Pierce: "He is one of those prolific-type dudes."

The Atlanta Hawks: The Dirty Birds had a solid chance to redeem themselves for a humiliating home loss to the Bulls the night before. And, for most of the game, it looked like they were gonna do it. Atlanta went up by six at the half and led by as many as 11 points in the third quarter. But, you know, they were playing the second night of back-to-back games on the road. So it's not all that surprising the Hawks were outscored 31-20 in the fourth and lost 105-100.

But still.

Said Josh Smith: "They went on a run just like that. I don't know if we relaxed or what."

Atlanta coach Larry Drew -- who actually told the press his team was "a little fragile right now" before the game -- said: "I felt for three quarters, we played how we wanted to play on the road. They got on the run and we just didn't recover."

The Hawks have now lost 14 of their last 21 games. And they're only 2.5 games ahead of Philly for the fifth seed in the Eastern Conference.

Larry Drew, coach of the year candidate: On the second night of back-to-backs, Drew played only two guys off the bench (Jamal Crawford and Zaza Pachulia) and forced a lot of minutes onto starters Joe Johnson (44), Smith (42), Kirk Hinrich (38) and Al Horford (37). And his team ran out of gas in the fourth quarter. Hmm...

Joe Johnson: In 44 minutes, the 119 Million Dollar Man managed only 13 points on 5-for-14 shooting (1-for-5 from downtown) and had more turnovers (4) and personal fouls (5) than rebounds (2) and assists (4). Remember: The Hawks will be paying him almost $25 million in 2015-16.

Nyets versus Cadavers: Both teams shot in the 30s and neither of them reached 100 points even though the game went to overtime. Bawful Game of the Night? Bawful Game of the Night. Moving on.

The Charlotte Bobcraps: Whoa. Pacers coach Frank Vogel nearly got an early induction in the Basketbawful Hall of Shame for calling last night's matchup in Charlotte an "elimination game" for the Bobcats in the one-legged potato sack race for the eighth and final playoff spot in the East. That's some serious bulletin board material right there.

The 'Craps were so inspired they went out and lost 111-88...wasting a 16-point, 9-rebound night from Kwame Brown.

Said Roy Hibbert: "We just wanted to put the nail in the coffin and move up in the race for the eighth spot. I think we did a good job. I look forward to representing the Pacers in a first round elimination."

Okay, I might've tweaked that quote a little.

Boris Diaw: Check out this snippet from the AP recap:

Diaw, Charlotte's third-leading scorer, was yanked in the third quarter after passing up a shot in the lane for a behind-the-head pass that was intercepted and led to Kareem Rush's 3-pointer at the other end.

Diaw never returned, playing 24 minutes and not attempting a shot.

"I just told him in all my 40 years in the NBA, I've never seen anyone do that -- not take one shot in 24 minutes," Silas said. "That's something that I've never, ever seen."

That is pretty strange.

Paul Silas, coach of the year candidate: But seriously, Paul, benching your third-leading scorer in a critical game?

The Detroit Pistons: The cHeat trailed by as many as 10 points and entered the final 12 minutes down 81-75. I can only assume that, during the stoppage of play between the third and fourth quarters, Erik Spoelstra walked into the team huddle and said something like, "Ahem, guys. We're playing the Pistons. Go out and, you know, do what you do."

Detroit didn't score for the first 5:40 of the final quarter. In those final 12 minutes, they managed only 13 points on 4-for-19 shooting. Miami, on the other hand, scored 25 points and won 100-94.

Said Pistons coach John Kuester: "We went through that spurt where all of a sudden we get nothing in the post when we were posting the ball. We weren't getting anything out of our set plays where we were getting guys coming off of screens."

If only someone was coaching this team...hey wait...

LeBron James, quote machine: "There's drama here, too. There's drama at every road game I play."

The Milwaukee Bucks: Two nights after losing by 40 points in Chicago, the Kings beat the Bucks in Milwaukee. This has officially gotten so sad I can't even bring myself to make a "Fear the Deer" joke.

Said John Salmons: "It's a shame. That's all I'll say, it's a shame."

I haven't even mentioned yet how critical this game was for the Bucks. This loss, coupled with Indy's win, puts the Bucks a full three games behind the Pacers for the East's final playoff spot with only 12 games left to play.

Said Milwaukee coach Scott Skiles: "We just didn't have the type of intensity and focus you'd like to see and understanding the enormity of the game, we were kind of passive. It hurts for sure."

It's worth mentioning that these Bucks -- whom many predicted would win the Central Division outright -- were built around Brandon Jennings (2-for-7) and John Salmons (3-for-14), and their key offseason acquisitions included Corey Maggette and Drew Gooden...both of whom didn't even play.

The Utah Jazz: Last night's loss to the Thunder in Oklahoma City dropped them to .500 and, even worse, a full four games behind the Memphis Grizzlies for the final playoff spot in the West. Not that anybody wants to see this Jazz squad make the playoffs. That would just be kind of sad. So, you know, bright side and all that.

By the way, Devin "Playoffs, baby" Harris missed the game with a strained hammy.

The Gol_en State Warriors: The Curse of the Career Highs continues for the Warriors, as Chuck "Wagon" Hayes had his first-ever career triple-double (14 rebounds, 13 points, 11 assists) and the Rockets won 131-112.

But Dorell Wright had a career-high 34 points!

Said Gol_en State's soon-to-be-fired coach Keith Smart: "This is a painful time we are in. Houston is fighting for a playoff spot. We're obviously not going to any dance this season. A young team has to learn to step up as a team, not an individual."

Oh. Okay, scratch that "Dorell Wright" part.

The Toronto Craptors: There, quite literally, could have been no better time for the Craptosaurs to play the Suns in Phoenix. After all, the game took place only 20 hours and 21 minutes after the end of the Suns' brutal triple-overtime loss to the Lakers in L.A. And Phoenix lost Grant Hill to flu-like symptoms and Mickael Pietrus to a sprained right knee during the first quarter. So this shoulda been a win for Toro...


...nto. Oh, hell, never mind.

Jay Triano, coach of the year candidate: "We shoot a better percentage than them, we out-rebound them and they made 3-point shots, and that's what this team does."

The Wizards Generals and/or Clippers: I honestly don't know what's worst: That the Generals fell to 1-33 on the road or that it took two OTs and a monster triple-double from Blake Griffin (33 points, 17 boards, 10 assists) for the Clippers to win a home game against a team that's 1-33 on the road.

Washington now has only seven chances left to avoid tying the worst road record in NBA history (1-40), set by the 1990-91 Sacramento Kings. And the Clippers are, well, the Clippers.

The San Antonio Spurs: This was a rough, aggressive game with lots of physical play, charges, flops, hacks and holds. It was two teams going all out to win. No Tim Duncan. Two unpredictable leading scorers -- Al Harrington (27) and Gary Neal (25) -- and late-game heroics from Wilson Chandler (who hit the go-ahead trey with less than 30 seconds left).

But bawful aside, it's hard not to point out that the Nuggets just beat the Spurs and are now 11-4 since shipping 'Melo to the Big Apple. Amazing.

Chris's Uncanny Lacktion Ledger:

Nyets-Sad Cadavers: Sundiata Gaines shined down the south shore of Lake Erie with a turnover and brick in 4:46 for a +2.

Grizzlies-Celtics: Nenad Krstic was perfect from the stripe in 21:22 as starting center and added two field goals and two boards...only to lose the rock four times and nearly foul out for a 9:8 Voskuhl. Troy Murphy made two giveaways in 3:41 for a +2 and a 2:0 Voskuhl; Avery Bradley rolled the dice on Nintendo DS Yahtzee in just 2 seconds for a Super Mario, and Sasha Pavlovic gathered up a 2.45 trillion (2:28).

Heat-Pissedons: Joel Anthony fouled twice and turned over the ball once in 6:31 for a +3 and a 3:0 Voskuhl.

Jazz-Thunder: Francisco Elson found a copy of The Legend of Zelda after 17 seconds of searching for a Mario, while Kyrylo Fesenko fetched 1.4 trillion (1:24).

Warriors-Rockets: Jeff Adrien added another controller to his Famicom in 54 seconds for a garden-variety Mario, while Houston's Demarre Carroll celebrated with a gift of 3.05 trillion (3:03).

Generals-Clippers: In Yet Another Staples Center Overtime (Watched By 1% Of Those Watching Last Night's)...

Washington's Kevin Seraphin somehow made two boards and a field goal in 8:12, only to lose the rock once and take five fouls for a 6:4 Voskuhl. Fellow professional opponent Hamady N'Diaye had himself a 2.65 trillion (2:40).

For the Team That Always Remains Who We Thought They Were, Ike Diogu fouled a Goomba in 47 seconds for a +1 and a Mario!