Their first (and possibly last) dunk

There will be no Worst of the Night post, folks. There were only two games, both pretty good, and I'm suffering All-Star break letdown.

Instead, here's a different sort of treat. The RedEye -- a free daily publication put out by the Chicago Tribune -- ran a story in which various members of the Chicago Bulls recount the tale of their first dunk. And, in case you've forgotten, Brian Scalabrine and Kyle Korver both play for the Bulls.

And so...

Bawful After Dark: November 8, 2010

Doesn't get much more bawful than this, folks
There is one thing that I absolutely, positively must share with you today. Bawful e-mailed me a video that has recently gone viral, even though it actually was apparently from a couple years ago. I don't care when it was filmed -- it is still friggin' awesome and required viewing for anybody who reads this blog. (Note: technically not really required viewing. We won't somehow ban you from reading our blog or something. We may, however, force you to watch an endless loop of the terrible Sixers-Cavaliers game that BadDave so awesomely described earlier today)


This guy is livin' on a prayer, and perhaps large quantities of illegal drugs
Hard to top that, but we'll press onward. To pretty much nobody's surprise, Wade Phillips has been fired after the Dallas Cowboys spent the first half of the NFL season defining "footbawful." The best part of it? Wade Phillips didn't get the news until long after it had already been posted on Twitter. I can absolutely envision a befuddled Wade Phillips staring awkwardly at his computer screen for twenty minutes before Jerry Jones called him to reiterate the point. You know, kind of like this. (Thank you Deadspin for posting this and saving me the trouble of hitting up Google Image Search as I had initially planned when I began writing this section!)

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:


Big Baby isn't copping a feel; he just confused and thought Ray Allen was a giant candy bar

Rick Carlisle's second job as a male model for business suits does not appear to be going well

Scalabrine FTW! Why did Boston ever trade him again???

Okay, Subway's subliminal advertising is getting out of hand

Umm...

"Stop! Don't score on us anymore! Please!"

I can't believe it took us this long to get our first high-flying jumpkick picture of the season

"I told the vendor I wanted peanuts, not Arenas' nuts!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Warriors at Craptors, NBA TV, 7pm: Funny how Don Nelson leaves, and suddenly the Warriors becomes infinitely less sucky. Well, actually I guess it's not so much funny as it is predictable. Meanwhile, why in the hell is this game on NBA TV? Who is watching this game, honestly? People who have lost their remote controls and don't want to stand up to turn off the television?

All The Other Games:
Hawks at Magic, 7pm: If the Hawks by some minor miracle manage to beat the superior Magic, it would be nice revenge for last season's playoff exit, but it would also be the first time the Hawks opened a season 5-0 on the road since 1967. You know, when they were based in St. Louis. That's pretty amazing. Good thing we don't have to dwell on that much longer since the Magic will probably roll over them.

Spurs at Bobcats, 7pm: In the dozen games that the Bobcats have played against the Spurs, they have averaged 82 points per game. Eighty two. I think it's safe to say the Spurs own the Bobcats. They probably have a sweet certificate of ownership and everything.

Nuggets at Bulls, 8pm: The Nuggets have been forced to play some serious small ball lately thanks to injuries, and they've responded with two straight victories. That being said, don't get too excited. One of those wins was against the Clippers, and the other was an abberration game where they hit 13 of 21 treys, kinda like the Knicks did to the Bulls the other night. So guess who they get to play now? The Bulls! I'm sure this will end well.

By the way Bulls fans, I have good news: A Brian Scalabrine statue is not in the works.

Suns at Grizzlies, 8pm: This is the second time in four days that the Care Bears get a dose of the Phoenix Suns, and that last game went to double OT. How do you top that? We better see at least triple overtime, and at least one interview where Turkoglu merely utters "Ball." (In reality, Suns are on the second night of a back to back and on the road, complete with Turkoglu becoming Turkododo as always. This does not bode well, friends.)

Celtics at Mavericks, 8:30pm: I'd just like to point out that Rajon Rondo's averaging nearly 15 assists and 3 steals per game at this point to go with his 11ppg. Damn. That is all.

Worst NBA Champions: Brian Scalabrine and Scott Pollard

Sorry it's been a few days since the last post in this series.

I also apologize for skipping the 2006-07 San Antonio Spurs. There just wasn't anybody in that group who really stood out as a Worst NBA Champion. And I spent literally minutes thinking about it. You know, between reading picking out bellybutton lint and Googling "Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus."

So since I copped out on naming the worst winner from the '07 Spurs, I am handing out the ultra-rare co-Worst NBA Champion award to Brian Scalabrine and Scot Pollard. Because we hear at Basketbawful take our quotas very seriously.

These fine examples of the inequites of human life appeared in a grand total of 70 games for the 2007-08 Boston Celtics (22 for Samurai Scot and 48 for the Ginger Ninja). Scal logged more minutes (517 to 173) but Pollard was the better shooter (52% to 30%). And although the raw numbers put Brian (1.8 PPG, 1.6 RPG) and Scot (1.8 PPG, 1.7 RPG) in a statistical dead heat, Pollard had the higher PER (8.7 to 5.7). They both finished the season with 0.6 Win Shares.

But enough about the regular season. With all due respect to Jim Mora, let's talk about playoffs. And that's where these two men have something in common. You know, besides their stunning whiteness and strangely similar Wikipedia pictures. They both logged exactly zero postseason minutes for the '08 Celtics.

Zero. Zilch. Nada.

"But Basketbawful," you say, "Didn't the Celtics beat the Lakers by 39 points in the series clincher? Surely Brian and Scot made at least a cameo appearance."

Nope. They were both left off Boston's playoff roster.

Of course, that didn't stop Scalabrine from showing off his ring with impunity:

Ring count: Brian Scalabrine 1. Charles Barkley, Dominique Wilkins,Elgin Baylor, John Stockton, Karl Malone and Patrick Ewing 0.
Ditto for Pollard. Warning: Don't look too closely at Craig Sager's freaky thumbnail:


But I'm gonna go ahead and give Scal and Pollard 1a. and 1b. status, respectively. Brian earned it. With this post-championship press conference:


When Brian Scalabrine becomes the voice of victory, something has gone horribly wrong.

Anyway, Pollard went out on top, retiring after his one and only title. Scalabrine hung on for a couple seasons, but the summer of 2010 -- during which Darko "Manna From Heaven" Milicic got a $20 million contract -- left Brian jobless.

And here we are.

Pollard is best known for bad hair, telling kids to do drugs on live TV, and inciting Cheryl Miller into her infamous "ballahz around the world" speech. Meanwhile, according to ESPN's Tom Haberstroh, Scalabrine is the worst player in Celtics history.

But they have rings.