Worst of the Weekend: Playoff Shakedown Edition

The San Antonio Spurs: In the course of a couple weeks, what was once a seven-game lead in the loss column over the Lakers fell all the way to one, thanks to a 119-114 overtime loss to the Rockets. It was San Antonio's sixth loss in a row. And it was more than catastrophic...it was historic. The Spurs hadn't lost six straight since April 1997. You know, before the Tim Duncan era.

Remember: San Antonio exploded out of the gates this year. The Spurs were 46-10 at the All-Star break. So far ahead of anyone the idea of them getting caught was about as likely as an Adam Morrison comeback. But since then, they're 11-9. To provide some perspective, the Pacers are 11-10 since the ASG.

To add a little insult to injury, the Spurs were punked by Luis Scola (21 points, 14 rebounds, 6 assists), a guy they once traded away for for Vassilis Spanoulis and a 2009 second round draft pick (Nando DeColo).

Anyway, San Antonio's hold on homecourt advantage could actually slip away. Every loss seems potentially crippling.

Said Tony Parker: "They are all tough losses now. We are not making plays at the end of games. We have to stay positive and hope it turns our way. We'll see what we're made of."

Added Spurs coach Gregg Popovich: "We're going to see what we are made out of, if we can dig down deeper. We'll see if we are worth the way we played this season or not."

The Boston Celtics: One night after their "We finally turned things around!" win over the Spurs, the Celtics fell to the Hawks in Atlanta. And it was a fall of the "I've fallen and I can't get up" old guys variety. Boston actually looked pretty sharp for most of the game and even took a 60-48 lead in the third quarter.

The the wheels came off.

Remember: The Celtics are 7-10 in the second game of back-to-backs. That puts them right ahead of...the Clippers. Sure enough, after taking that lead, they were outscored 40-23 the rest of the way, including 25-16 in the fourth quarter. Speaking of which, during that final 12 minutes, Boston was outrebounded 17-8 and outscored 10-0 in second chance points. For the game, they were outrebounded 52-38 and outscored 18-2 in second chance points.

Straight up outhustled. But hey, no excuses, right?

Said Kevin Garnett: "Back-to-back is part of the NBA. It has been since I've been in the league, so that's no excuse. Either we can quit and go home or we can continue to get better. There's no history of quitting in this team, so we'll just move forward."

The Celtics are now tied in the loss column with the Heat.

The Los Angeles Clippers: The Steve Nash-less Suns snapped their season-worst four-game losing streak by beating the Clippers. Thanks in no small part to third-string point guard Zabian Dowdell's season-high 14 points. Figures, huh?

Said The Other L.A. Team coach Vinny Del Negro: "I don't think we had much energy tonight. We let Phoenix run where they wanted to when they wanted to."

They are who we thought they were.

The Milwaukee Bucks: On the brink of playoff elimination, down by a single point to the Pacers in Indy, Milwaukee's last second shot came from...

...Drew Gooden. Story of the season for the Deer.

Said Gooden: "I was the last option, and it just called for me to pop back out if nobody was open. So I got it. All I could do is fling it up there. I tried to get some contact on the arm and maybe get a call, but you saw the result. Just hit the back of the rim."

Added Bucks coach Scott Skiles: "We'd like a better look than that."

No you-know-what, Sherlock.

The Cleveland Cadavers: Didn't these guys beat the Heat a few games ago? After watching the way they lost to the Wizards Generals, you'd hardly believe it. Rookie Jordan Crawford had his first career triple-double (21 points, 11 assists, 10 rebounds) and Andray Blatche grabbed a career-high 19 rebounds and matched his career-high by scoring 36 points. I guess the Cads thought it was "defense optional" night in the Verizon Center.

Said Cleveland coach Byron Scott: "GodDAMNit!" I'm guessing.

The New Orleans Hornets: A season-low 12 points in the first quarter. A double-digit home loss to the Grizzlies with seventh place in the Western Conference on the line. And, gak, a season-high seven assists from Zach Randolph?

Said Hornets coach Monty Williams: "He was amazing. He was the point guard on the floor tonight who pretty much dominated the game. They got layup after layup, and he did a good job of passing the ball. They were ready for the double-teams."

When Z-Bo dominates you with his passing, you have failed at life.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: They led 52-51 at the half and then the cHeat ran off a 25-1 run in the third quarter. Game over.

Said Timberwolves coach Kurt Rambis: "They just came out and smoked us, whatever it was [25]-1 run. We couldn't find ways to get stops, couldn't protect the paint, couldn't score. That kind of sealed our fate."

This moment pretty much symbolized Minny's game...if not their season:


Said LeBron: "CB got a turnover and a rebound, and I got a steal and a bucket all on the same play. It might be on [SportsCenter's] 'Not Top 10' and 'Top 10' plays at the same time. That'd be pretty cool."

LeBron James, quote machine: "You wish you could just simulate the rest of these games and get to the postseason. Let me get my rest. We've still got work to do. We're not taking these games for granted."

The Utah Jazz: They managed to choke up a 17-point lead at home and get eliminated from playoff contention all in one night. And it's worse than that: Utah became the first team in NBA history to start 15-5 and 27-13 and not make the playoffs. So, uh, groan.

Brandon Knight: From Dan B:

Congraulations, Brandon Knight -- your 6-for-23 shot-jackery cost Kentucky a chance at the NCAA championship game. Knight went 3-11 from downtown (most of those were early in the shot clock pull-up attempts for no apparent reason, and one of those was a second half buzzer-beater to knock the margin of victory down from 4 to just 1) and only attempted two free throws. Sure, he was Kentucky's leading scorer, but that's because he was the only person shooting. It's hard for your teammates to score when you won't pass them the ball, content to instead dribble aimlessly and heave an unnecessary trey. When they do finally get a chance to take a shot, they are so ice-cold that they never have a chance.

That being said, at least Knight hit his only two free throws. The entire rest of the team went 2-10 from the charity stripe combined. Terrance Jones was particulary offensive with his 0-5 effort. Come on, guys. Knock down your free throws. They're free.

Also noteworthy from this game: UConn won despite going 1-12 from downtown, and Donnell Beverly had a nice 1 trillion box score line.

Bitter but deserved.

Chris's Friday Lacktion Report:

Bucks-Pacers: Larry Sanders bucketed 37 seconds for a Mario, while tiny Earl Boykins had two little bricks in 7:24 for a +2.

Bobcats-Magic: Earl Clark crunched out 2.3 trillion (2:16) worth in gold bars.

Sad Cadavers-Generals: In the Highly Unanticipated Rematch Of A Now-Nonexistant Rivalry, Hamady N'Diaye delivered a payday of 1.4 trillion (1:24).

Celtics-Hawks: Jermaine O'Neal drained a board and free throw in 15:40 with two fouls and two turnovers for a 4:2 Voskuhl, while Von Wafer found 2.75 trillion (2:45) worth of gold flakes.

For the winning dirty birds, Jeff Teague turned out one brick from Underground Atlanta, one rejection, and one foul for a +3 in 3:19.

Heat-Wolves: Zydrunas Ilgauskas managed a 1.05 trillion in molten gold (1:04), while rookie Dexter Pittman put two boards in the back burner with a brick, two turnovers, and foul in 2:15 for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Hornets: Leon Powe pounced on a celebratory 1.85 trillion (1:52) for the baby cubs, while New Orleans's Patrick Ewing Jr. found some gold-encrusted nougat worth exactly 1.7 trillion (1:42). Ewing's teammate Jason Smith subverted an assist in 5:36 with a brick, foul, and turnover for a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Spurs-Rockets: James Anderson added a new disc to his Wii collection in 33 seconds for a Mario.

Clippers-Suns: Ike Diogu downed two bricks from the stripe in 5:03, as well as a foul, for a +3 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Losing in Portland on Friday night was understandable. But losing to the Clippers the very next night? I mean, a winless weekend after a 14-2 March, capped off by a loss to The Other L.A. Team?

This game turned in the third quarter when Kendrick Perkins, Russell Westbrook and coach Scott Brooks all recieved technical fouls within four seconds of each other. That meant three straight foul shots for the Clips, who finished the game with a 28-24 advantage in free throw attempts. Blake Griffin earned 18 of those freebies.

Said Kevin Durant: "I think we were the more physical team. But techs are something that just can't happen. We can't afford to just give them points like that. I think the way things were going, and the way they were on their way back, those techs just pushed them over the top."

Typical of a team playing the second night of back-to-backs on the road, the Thunder got outscored 61-43 in the second half. Of course, the Clippers played the previous night, too. Plus, they're the Clippers.

The Toronto Craptors: The Craptosaurs played the Bulls tough despite being without Andrea Bargnani (sore right ankle) and Jose Calderon (sore left hamstring). And yet...


James Johnson: Get. That. Weak. Stuff. Out.


Hey, did you know Derrick Rose has more offensive rebounds (78) and blocked shots (48) than LeBron (77 and 46). Kinda interesting.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: I bet Kevin Love and Darko Milicic were happy they missed this one. The T-Wolves had the ball stolen 17 times and gave up 33 points of 26 turnovers in their 106-89 beating in Memphis.

Said Minnesota coach Kurt Rambis: "We played really hard and gave a good effort considering how short-handed we were. When you give up 33 points off turnovers, it's too big of a hole to dig yourself out of. You have to do something extraordinary, if you're going to give up that many points."

And, as we all know, the T-Wolves don't do "extraordinary."

The Dallas Mavericks: As if Thursday night's beating in L.A. wasn't bad enough, the Mavs got held to 92 points on 41 percent shooting by...

...the Gol_en State Warriors. Cue the rationalization!

Said Dirk Nowitzki: "We'd love to get some wins here before we start off, but the playoffs are also a completely new season. We'd love to get some momentum, start making some shots, look a little better. We look a little flat lately, look a little tired. So hopefully we can step it up here."

Added Mavs coach Rick Carlisle: "I just kept believing we were about to hit a hot streak."

Chris's Saturday Lacktion Report:

Craptors-Bulls: Alexis Ajinca confounded a block with a turnover in 2:58 for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Julian Wright wrote in a foul for a +1 in 3:02.

Sixers-Bucks: Mareese Speights fouled once in 6:58 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Jason Kapono had 14 seconds to race Diddy Kong and Toad in a Mario Kart battle.

Mavs-Warriors: Ian Mahinmi was 50% from the field (on two attempts) and earned two boards in 12:29, only to lose the rock twice and foul four times for a 6:4 Voskuhl.

East Oakland's Ekpe Udoh had one board as starting big man, only to brick twice, turn over the ball twice, and nearly foul out - resulting in a 7:1 Voskuhl in 16:02!

The epic man love comes from Raptors Republic via tonious35.

The Dallas Mavericks: That hot streak Carlisle was hoping for did not begin on Sunday. The Tyson Chandler-less Mavericks lost to the Frail Blazers in Portland and once again looked predictable and slow-footed on offense. As for Dirk's "the playoffs are also a completely new season" theory?

Said Jason Terry: "That's too far ahead for me to even think about right now. We can't get too far ahead of ourselves, if we do we're not looking at the right picture."

That's for sure.

And I get it. I do. Second game of back-to-backs, the final stop on a six-game road trip. Teams aren't their best in these situations. Still, the Mavericks, like the Spurs, looked strong almost all season (minus the stretch that Nowitzki missed). Now they're going to be relegated to the three-seed and a likely second round matchup with (fingers crossed) the Lakers.

Said Terry: "Tonight we just didn't have that extra burst. They got every loose ball, they got all the big rebounds, they just outhustled us. That tells me we have a weary team. We need to get back home and get re-energized."

Yeah. Too bad you won't have homecourt past the first round...

The New Jersey Nyets: Against, the cHeat, they...wait, what? The cHeat might sign Eddy Cuh...Cuh...Cuh...

...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

...ah ha...ah ho...hoo hoo...hooooooo. Whoa.

Okay, seriously, Miami has put Curry through a workout and there's a "better than 50-50" chance Pat Riley will sign him. Workout? What kind of workout could they have possibly put him through? "Hey, Eddy, run 10 feet without passing out or eating a ball boy! Now...GO!" Published reports say Curry currently weighs somehwhere between "Holy fuck!" and "Run! Run! Oh, God, RUUUUUUN!" But, hey, you never know. Maybe LeBron wanted a beanbag to recline on during the four minutes a night he doesn't play.

The Phoenix Suns: Let's see: The Spurs snapped their longest losing streak of the Tim Duncan era by blowing the absolute living hell out the Steve Nash-less Suns and officially eliminating them from playoff contention. Yeah, seems painfully fitting, doesn't it?

Said Phoenix coach Alvin Gentry: "We knew they were going to have a reaction, obviously they lost six straight games. They're fighting like crazy to stay ahead of the Lakers, and the Bulls. Obviously, it becomes really important to them, and they played that way."

Obviously.

Added Marcin Gortat: "I don't want to answer [whether it's hard to find motivation to play], but I'll just tell you one thing, I'm embarrassed. I'm glad in the second half we stepped up a little bit and didn't get blown out by 40 or 50, but it's embarrassing."

The Detroit Pistons: They let the Celtics shoot 64 percent in another double-digit loss. Seriously, Boston was scoring so easily that, at one point, Delonte West overthrew an alley-oop that banked in for a three. But let's get to the real story of this game...

Shaq: The Big Limpy was back! For five minutes! Then left with a calf injury!

Whaaaaauuu...?

Yep. Despite the extended in-season vacation, Shaq couldn't shamble up and down the court for five minutes without getting hurt. That's a really, really bad sign for the Celtics and their fans, considering that, after the Perkins trade, their hopes were absolutely dependent on having a healthy Shaq for the playoffs.

But Doc Rivers said it was a minor injury. "Scary more than anything" I think he said. No kidding. Shaq hobbled off the court and got carted to the locker room in a wheelchair. Ugh. The Celtics are so screwed.

Said Big Baby: "He'll be OK. Shaq's always going to be all right. He doesn't get hurt. Shaq is invincible, man. That's what I believe in. He'll be back. Man of steel. That's what I've been believing since I was a little kid."

Baby knows this isn't professional wrestling, right?

The Detroit Pistons: Forgot to mention this: Detroit has now lost 50 games in consecutive seasons for the first time since 1993-94 and 1994-95.

The Cleveland Cadavers: Make it a winless weekend. Capped off by getting blown out by the Knicks, who clawed their way back to .500 and officially qualified for the playoffs. Thanks for that, Cadavers.

Stat of the game: Cleveland's 22-10 disadvantage in turnovers.

Said Cads coach Byron Scott: "Tonight we were just very careless with the basketball pretty much all game long. We did a much better job in the second quarter which got us back into the game, but second half 14 turnovers is way too much against this team. It gives them a chance to get in the open floor and make easy baskets."

All baskets against the Cadavers are easy. Just sayin'.

The Utah Jazz: Talk about rubbing lemon juice in the wound: One game after being eliminated from the playoffs in historic fashion, the Jazz lost to the Kings. It was Utah's sixth straight defeat, which represents their longest losing nine in a row back in March of 2005. The Jazz are now 5-18 since Jerry Sloan retired.

The Orlando Magic: Whoa. The Craptosaurs snapped their six-game losing streak by beating the Magicians, who look primed and ready for a first round playoff elimination. I mean, seriously, the Craptors?!

Said Orlando coach Stan Van Grumpy: "They wanted to win, we didn't care, so they won."

Toronto shot 50 percent, won the rebounding battle 48-30 (including 15-7 on the offensive glass) and registered 24 assists to only 15 for the Magic.

Van Grumpy continued: "We certainly didn't even try to turn it on tonight. Our guys want to try to pick their spots. I'm not at all confident. I'm confident in what we're able to do when we want to play, but I'm not confident that our guys will come with an approach to really come out and play hard and play with great energy. I'm not confident in that at all. ... You don't see teams get outrebounded by 18. That's absurd."

Countered Dwight Howard: "I don't want to say I don't care what Stan says but sometimes he is very passionate and he says things that we might not like."

That's right. Dwight doesn't want to say he doesn't care what Stan says, but...

As for Van Grumpy, he was sticking up for Dwight, I think: "It's a little ridiculous that we can't even let Dwight get a drink of water, but that's the way it is. When he leaves we have no defense and today we had very little offense. It's crazy, but we should be able to take him out to get a drink of water."

Nuggets-Lakers: I'll let LotharBot handle this one:

Bawful from Nuggets-Lakers: Kobe missed as many shots as Gasol and Bynum took, combined. I hear ignorant commentators sometimes say JR Smith can shoot you into games or shoot you out of games, but he doesn't ever get enough attempts to shoot his team out of games. Kobe actually does shoot his team both into and out of games; that's what happens when you get 27 attempts and sometimes convert 20 and sometimes convert 10.

The Lakers get great rebounding from their bigs, but almost none from their guards and small forwards (other than Kobe.) The Nuggets get weak rebounding from their bigs, but their guards and small forwards get it done -- their two sub-six-foot pgs (Lawson and Felton) combined for eleven rebounds, which is more than all six of the Lakers' non-bigs combined.

Speaking of rebounding, Odom choked when it counted, failing to box out Kenyon Martin on a free throw miss near the end of the game, which allowed the Nuggets to go up by 5. Nuggets bane right now is free throw shooting. 12 misses -- including 6 by Danilo Gallinari, who is supposedly near 90% but went 5-11 from the line tonight, and 4 total free throw misses in the final 20 seconds of the game.

It's a real bummer the Lakers lost ground in their bid for the number one seed.

Chris's Sunday Lacktion Report:

Generals-Bobcats: Kwame Brown had three boards for his favorite team owner's squad in 32:54 as STARTING big man...but bricked twice, lost the rock twice and fouled thricely for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Heat-Nyets: Brandan Wright managed to start his way to a get-rich-quick program with a 3.45 trillion (3:28), while fellow ruble-rouser Ben Uzoh did score three points...but only had 46 seconds to get through World 1-2 for a non-lacktive Mario.

Extremely Sad Cadavers-THE KNICKS ARE CONTENDERS NOW, THEY CAN BEAT CLEVELAND!: Manny Harris and Joey Graham can now rake in the dough to douse their tears with a 1 trillion (62 seconds), while Ryan Hollins had perfection from the stripe and field (for only three points) as starting center in 19:35, even getting three boards along the way...only to lose the rock twice and foul out for an 8:7 Voskuhl.

Jazz-The Purple Paupers Who Are Still Residents Of A NON-Suburban Urban Area That Is Not Defined By A Theme Park: Francisco Elson bricked once in 6:01 for a +1 suck differential.

Pacers-Hornets: Patrick Ewing Jr. can now afford another ten truckloads of Snickers bars after a 1.35 trillion payday (1:22).

Mavs-Frail Blazers: Portland's Patrick Mills and Luke Babbitt each planted a fire flower in 50 seconds as Mario Brothers, with Mills also bricking once for a +1!

Worst of the Weekend: DNP-PD Edition

Julian Wright logged the first DNP-PD of the season. Way to not play, Julian!
Editor's note: I spent the weekend sick as a dog. Finally starting to recover. I almost pulled a Julian Wright and benched myself for Worst of the Weekend. But then I pulled a Leandro Barbosa and forced myself to perform. There's no need to thank me. Actually, scratch that. There's every need to thank me.

The New York Knicks: Prepare to be shocked out of your mind: On Friday night, Mike _'Antoni's Knicks let Brandon Jennings erupt for a season-high 37 points while also allowing the Bucks to explode (by their crappy-crap standards) for 102 points on 50/50 shooting. Hands were literally fleeing from the faces they were supposed to be in.

Said Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "We've got to fight more. We've definitely got to put a lot more effort out there on the court, play with a lot more energy. We've got to definitely want these games, I mean we haven't done nothing yet. We're not in the playoffs right now. I mean we have the seventh seed, but the way we're going, we're declining."

Added Carmelanoma Anthony: "We're going to try to figure it out as a team and you know when it happens them times will be fun. Basketball will be fun again. We won't have to worry about losing eight out of nine, or seven out of eight, or something like that. You know everybody is going to be smiling again and be happy. Right now, you know is hard to smile right now when you're losing games, I can tell you that."

That may be one of my all-time favorite quotes. Wow.

It's safe to say the Knicks didn't "figure it out as a team" by Saturday night. The Bobcraps -- who rank 29th in scoring at 93.1 PPG -- blew up for 114 points. Meanwhile, the Knicks shot 39 percent and trailed by as many as 20 before a fourth quarter rally that made the score look more respectable than it should have.

Six losses in a row. Nine of 10. A record of 7-12 since trading for 'Melo.

Three games below .500.

Said Carmelanoma: "For the most part, these are teams we should be beating. We talk about that among each other -- that some of these teams shouldn't even be on the court with us. But they're winning games and it's just something we have to figure out."

You know, that attitude may be part of the problem, 'Melo.

Added Chauncey Billups: "We've got a lot of talent, but as you know, talent isn't everything. Camaraderie and cohesiveness and being a good team beats talent every day of the week. When we get to a point where we get that, combined with the talent, we're going to be a very dangerous team."

The other 29 teams are shaking in their hightops, Chauncey.

Bonus stats: According to ESPN Stats and Information, 'Melo has been shooting 40 percent and has a plus-minus score of -24 during the fourth quarter of New York's last 10 games. During that same stretch, STAT has been shooting 37.9 percent and has a plus-minus score of -43.

Maybe when Billups said they were going to be a dangerous team, they meant dangerous to the hopes and dreams of their fans?

The Indiana Pacers: Reminder: This team is (in theory anyway) fighting to hold onto the last playoff spot in the East. That being the case, how do you explain a winless weekend, let alone one that included a 17-point home loss to the Soon-To-Be-Anaheim Kings followed by a double-digit road loss to the Shrinking-Detroit Pistons? No, really. How do you explain that?

Said Danny Granger: "We just gave away two games in the last two nights to two teams that wanted it more, and just let other teams right back in the hunt. We have to step it up and if we don't we will be out of the playoffs."

Well...yeah. That pretty much sums it up. But how'd it happen?

Said Pacers coach Frank Vogel: "It was our offense -- we didn't execute well and we are just struggling with our rhythm right now. Maybe we are tired from the month of March, but it is no excuse. We have to play to win every game."

Reality check: On Friday, the Kings scored 110 points against the Pacers, which is about 10 points more than their season average. On Saturday, the Pistons shot 51.3 percent from the field and 57.1 percent from downtown while finishing with an Offensive Rating of 111.3. I'm not sure offense is the problem.

The Detroit Pistons: They had a nice bounceback win over the Pacers, but any team that loses to the Cadavers is going to earn a WotW entry, especially when they get finished off by a clutch shot from Baron Davis.

Speaking of which, I loved Byron Scott's quote about B-Diddy's game-breaker: "As soon as he took the ball over to the right side, I knew he was going to shoot."

We all did, Byron. We all did.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Well, if they weren't winning with Kevin Love, should we really expect them to win without him? Probably not, although they get a unicorn sticker for keeping their weekend games against the Thunder and Celtics close. That said, this is their third seven-game losing streak of the season. They also have a couple of six-gamers.

Still, the Celtics game seemed like a moral victory, right? They came back from 25 points down and almost stole it.

Said Michael Beasley: "I feel like we showed a lot of character. We could've just let them beat us by 60 points. But we fought back and gave ourselves a chance to win the last two minutes. Of course we wanted to win, but it didn't turn out that way. A lot of guys played well, and we learned a lot from this game."

Added Minnesota coach Kurt Rambis: "I loved the way that they got themselves back in the ballgame. They fought, they scratched, they clawed, they gave themselves a chance to win, and I was really proud of how they were able to do that."

Concluded Anthony Tolliver: "That was resiliency I haven't really seen all year,"

I expect the afterglow of this "almost win" to last until the Bulls visit the Target Center on Wednesday. At which time I expect it to be crushed with extreme prejudice.

The Boston Celtics: Ugh. Ugh I tell you. On Friday, the Celts went up by 13 points in the fourth quarter and then totally choked the lead away. The Bobcraps -- who had lost four in a row and 10 of their last 12 -- outscored Boston 30-15 in that final quarter (including a 16-0 run at one point) to win 83-81. One assumes this happened because the Celtics players were otherwise occupied...probably by adding Evanescence's "My Immortal" to the "We Fucking Miss You Perk" playlist on their iPods.

And Doc Rivers was pissed.

Said Doc: "The way we're playing shocks me. Our attitude shocks me. I just think we've become very, very selfish, not just as far as trying to get our own [shots], but everything is about how we're playing individually, instead of how the team is playing. A guy struggles, he pouts, he moans. Everything is me, me, me on our team right now, feeling sorry for themselves instead of giving themselves to the team and playing."

Countered Ray Allen: "It's not about making excuses, but I think the chemistry with the new guys is still being built."

Actually, that's the textbook definition of "making excuses," Ray.

As for Sunday's game against the T-Wolves, letting the second-worst team in the league come back from a 25-point deficit to take a brief fourth quarter lead before eking out an 85-82 victory didn't exactly reestablish my confidence in the C's.

The Toronto Craptors: Man. After a 38-point loss to the Warriors (who had lost six in a row going in) followed by a loss to the freaking Clippers, the only thing missing was Darth Vader's voice saying: "Now their failure is complete." Of course, no failure by the Craptors is complete without this:


Stepping back a second, here are some numbers from that loss in Gol_en State. In the first half, the Warriors scored an NBA season-high 84 points while shooting 68 percent from the field and 77 percent from beyond the arc. During that first 24 minutes, GSW had 20 assists and outrebounded the Craptorsaurs 20-12. The Warriors led by as many as 47 and finished with 138 points on 61 percent shooting.

Imagine 48 minutes of this play.
The best part? Toronto coach Jay Triano tried to sub Julian Wright into the game...and Wright flat-out refused.

Said Triano: "We were six deep already at the wing spot. I asked him to go in, he didn't go in. That's fine. I just went back with Leandro."

Everything's okay, though. Wright apologized.

Said Wright: "The best way to put it is this was not characteristic of me. That's why I think this is (now) a thing of the past."

So far in the past, in fact, that Wright earned a DNP-CD against the Clippers.

Phoenix Suns: How to Not Qualify for the Playoffs by the Phoenix Suns. First, have a miserly owner who is determined to swallow the souls of his entire fan base. Next, let him manage the team into chaos and disaster. Then watch as an injured Steve Nash tries to make sense of his team's roster and a cruel fate that betrays him at every turn. Eventually, see a critical loss to the David West-less Hornets that may have been the result of Marcin Gortat destroying his nose on the back of Nash's head...which is apparently made of granite.


Follow that up with a nationally televised loss to the Mavericks in which a roster shakeup (Marcin Gortat and Jared Dudley replaced Robin Lopez and Vince Carter in the starting lineup) led to improved defense (the Suns held Dallas to 38 percent shooting) but Jason "Jumpshot" Kidd gunned Phoenix down with back-to-back threes in the fourth quarter. It's just been that kind of season for the Suns.

Said Gortat: "After this game I don't think we're going to be talking about playoffs this year anymore."

I can't wait to see how Sarver messes up the team's lottery pick. Maybe he'll sell it for cash or something. You know, like the picks that became Andre Iguodala/Luol Deng and Rajon Rondo.

San Antonio Spurs: Tim Duncan may not be having his greatest season, but his absence is apparently a pretty big deal. I'm guessing that, had Duncan been around, the Spurs wouldn't have gagged up a 96-90 lead in the final 1:21 of their game in Portland on Friday night. And I sincerely doubt it would have come down to this:


As for Sunday's loss to the Grizzlies, well, shit. No Timmy. Manu Ginobili left the game with a left quad contusion. Gregg Popovich left the game with an ejection. The Grizzlies shot 54.5 percent, scored 58 points in the paint and outrebounded the Spurs 40-27.

But hey. It was a close loss.

The New Jersey Nyets: A winless weekend? Well, yeah, but with Deron Williams sidelined by a wrist injury, their starting backcourt includes Jordan Farmar at the point and Sasha Vujacic at the two. I challenge any team to win with that trash starting at the guard positions. The Lakers didn't even trust those guys to be backups.

The Washington Wizards Generals: Another winless weekend. Two more major failures on the road: A 114-94 loss in Denver followed by a 114-104 loss in Gol_en State. Make it 1-35 outside of Washington.

Even the Warriors' "Curse of the Career Highs" couldn't save the Generals. JaVale McGee had a career-high 28 points and tied his career-high with 18 rebounds...to no avail.

Said Washington coach Flip Saunders: "We're not good enough. That can be frustrating. But that's like if I run you in a race I'm going to probably beat you all 10 times because you're not as fast as me. Same thing right now. We're just young and not as talented as the teams we're playing."

Way to rally the troops, Flip. Damn.

The Philadelphia 76ers: There's been some buzz building about the Sixers, and it's worth noting that they're exactly one game over .500. They'd be three games over .500 if they hadn't lost an overtime game at home to...

...the Soon-To-Be-Anaheim Kings?!

Yes. Outplayed and outworked by a Kings squad that outrebounded them 58-36. Again, this happened in Philadelphia, people. The defining moment came when former Sixer Sammy Dalembert iced the game by hitting two free throws with 12 seconds left in OT.

But, really, it was rebounding that finished Philly.

Said Sixers coach Doug Collins: "They're huge. There's no question. Elton [Brand] had three rebounds in 39 minutes. Evan [Turner] had one in 20 minutes. Thad [Young] had one in 18."

And there ya go.

The New Orleans Hornets: Sunday's game against the Lakers was a potential first round playoff preview. In which case, the Hornets can go ahead and start planning their post-sweep vacations.

Chris's Mega Weekend Lacktion Report:

Nyets-Magic: Quinton Ross bricked and fouled once each in 3:52 for a +2, while Stephen Graham was perfectly aiming (once) in Paperboy...in just 42 seconds for a non-lacktive Mario!

Bobcats-Celtics: Eduardo Najera fouled and lost the rock once each in 5:50 for a +2.

Sixers-Heat: Andres Nocioni notched a foul and brick for a +2 in 5:02.

For the Twotles, Joel Anthony earned a 3:2 Voskuhl in 9:48 by negating two boards with a brick, two fouls, and a turnover - the same statline that Jamaal Magloire gathered in 3:06. Juwan Howard powered up his arcade Donkey Kong cabinet in 48 seconds for a graybeard Mario.

Bucks-Knicks: Jon Brockman took a monster rejection and tossed a brick in 4:43 for a +2.

Meanwhile, the latest members to the Madison Square Garden season-ticket-holder base were Jared Jeffries and Roger Mason Jr., each gathering up 2.35 trillion (2:21)!!!

Grizzlies-Bulls: Kurt Thomas towed two rebounds in 12:27, only to foul thricely for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Wolves-Thunder: Cole Aldrich collected a board and rejection in 1:15 for a +2, while in three fewer seconds, Royal Ivey earned the same suck differential via turnover and...a miss from Bricktown.

Generals-Nuggets: Othyus Jeffers made contact with a Koopa Troopa in just 3 seconds for a foul that gathered a +1, and a SUPER MARIO!

Hornets-Suns: Jason Smith surrendered a rejection and two misses in 4:54 for a +3.

Phoenix's Robin Lopez laid another egg on shot attempts, and countered a board with four fouls and a turnover in 3:54 as starting big man, earning a 5:1 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, Garret Siler slid into a spiky zone in 56 seconds for a foul that led to a +1, a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl...and a Mario!

Spurs-Frail Blazers: THE Steve Novak went back to lacktion today, losing the rock once in 1:27 for a +1.

Nyets-Hawks: Damien Wilkins went +1 via brick in 6:24.

Knicks-Bobcats: Roger Mason Jr. fouled and bricked once each for a +2 in 4:47.

Mavs-Jazz: DeShawn Stevenson bricked once from the ZCMI store for a +1 in 5:26, while Brian Cardinal produced a payoff of 3.7 trillion (3:44).

The Purple Paupers Who Are Somehow On A THREE GAME WINNING STREAK While Gavin Maloof Gets A Direct Hotline To Mayflower Vans-Sixers: Pooh Jeter fried a portobello in 54 seconds for a Mario, while former pauper Andres Nocioni bricked once and fouled twice in 2:20 for a +3.

Hawks-Sad Cadavers: Hilton Armstrong rented an assist in 1:40, but was billed a foul on his final bill for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Meanwhile, Manny Harris handily bricked from Burke Lakefront Airport for a +1 in 1:57, the same timespan Joey Graham fouled in for the same suck differential.

Rockets-Hornets: Eddie House tossed FIVE bricks (twice from Interstate 95) for a +5 in 5:46!

Spurs-Grizzlies: James Anderson had 27 seconds to turn on his Game Boy for a Mario that went non-lacktive with one board, while THE Steve Novak had 35 seconds of lighter-than-air life with Kirby for his own purely lacktive Mario!

Celtics-Wolves: Minnesota's Wayne Ellington fouled once and baked three pieces of masonry (once from St. Anthony's Falls) for a +4 in 6:54.

Hornets-Lakers: Jason Smith missed once for a +1 in 4:07, while Los Angeles's Joe Smith climbed a few ladders in 26 seconds for a Mario.

Worst of the Weekend: DeMarcus Cousins Looks So Sad edition

Are we talkin' 'bout Worst of the Weekend?
I said are we talkin' 'bout Worst of the Weekend?
Hells to the yes.
The Chicago Bulls: Allow me to quote myself from By The Horns:

There haven't been very many times this season — especially recently — when the Bulls have failed on defense. Unfortunately, it happened on Friday night.

The Pacers scored 115 points. That's the fourth-highest point total the Bulls have surrendered this season, ranking behind only the 116 points they gave up to the Rockets in an overtime win on December 4, the 118 points they surrendered in Toronto in Joakim Noah’s first game back from thumb surgery on February 23, and the 120 points the Knicks scored in the United Center way back on November 4 (thanks to a flurry of three-point shooting).

Indy scored 31 points in each of the first two quarters in route to a 62-point first half. They Pacers had 89 points by the end of the third quarter. Mind you, the Bulls had held their opponents to 89 points or less in 12 of their last 13 full games. So there’s no way the Pacers -- who rank 24th in Offensive Rating -- should have been scoring so easily.

Sure, Chicago held Indiana to 13 points in the fourth quarter and managed to force overtime...but the damage had been done.

Now, you may be tempted to give the Bulls credit for holding the Pacers to 43 percent shooting. And, admittedly, they did a credible job of contesting jump shots. Indy went 19-for-60 on jumpers (31.6 percent) and 5-for-13 on three-pointers (38.5 percent). But -- and you knew there was a "but" coming, right? — the Pacers hit 18 of their 25 layup attempts (72 percent) and threw down three dunks (according to this shot chart).

So, essentially, they converted 75 percent of their shots at the rim.

The Pacers also earned 35 foul shots. That’s the sixth-most free throw attempts the Bulls have given up this season. Indy knocked down 30 of those freebies.

Furthermore, the Bulls had no answer for Tyler Hansbrough. "Pyscho T" had team-highs in points (29) and rebounds (12) while shooting 12-for-19 from the field and 5-for-5 from the free throw line. Hansbrough was just straight up outworking people. At one point, with just over three minutes left in regulation, Indiana’s Darren Collison bricked a jumper and Hansbrough bolted from the other side of the floor, grabbed the offensive rebound, ran out to 17 feet and tossed in a jumper with nary a hand in his face.

Mind you, Hansbrough set back-to-back career highs against the Knicks last week. Granted, New York’s defense is horrible, but come on. Check out his game log: Hansbrough has scored 20 or more in six of his last seven games. Check out his splits: Hansbrough is averaging 20.2 PPG on 51.2 percent shooting over his last 11 games. This wasn't some sort of "out of nowhere" performance.

Said Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau: "The only quarter we played defense was the fourth. You usually get what you deserve."

Really? Then why hasn't Michael Bay been castrated for the Transformers movies, Thibs?

The Boston Celtics: Although they rebounded with a big win in New Orleans on Saturday, the Celtics very nearly hit rock bottom on Friday: 1-for-10 from three-point range, nine missed free throws, a 44-35 rebounding disadvantage and a deficit of as many as 29 points en route to a 93-77 loss in Houston. Freaking Patrick Patterson list the Celts up for 18 points and a career-high 12 rebounds. And I bet you're not alone in thinking: "Patrick who?"

The only thing missing was Doc Rivers getting hit in the face with a pie.

Said Doc: "I just thought, 'Let's just throw this one away.' This is one of those games where they did everything better. You just go on to the next game."

Added Kevin Garnett: "We can't let our offense dictate what our defense does. We couldn't get stops. It seemed like when they took over the game, they just ran with it."

Additionally, Basketbawful reader Fowill offered: "For a point of comparison, notice how Garnett backs down when confronted by a non Euro."

The Dallas Mavericks: Heading into Friday night's home game against the Spurs, Dallas had lost four of their last seven games to potential playoff opponents. But they could have stopped all the "soft" talk -- which was initiated by their coach by the way -- by beating San Antonio.

Instead, they fell behind by 18 points in the second quarter, scrambled their way back into the game, fell behind again, scrambled back again, but ultimately lost 97-91...making it five losses in eight games against potential playoff opponents.

Uh oh.

Said Jason Terry: "The rhythm obviously isn't there right now."

The Denver Nuggets: The Nuggets had been absolutely thriving without 'Melo. Then this happened...


The next night, the Nuggets -- minus Raymond Felton, who sprained his ankle in the final minute of the Magic game -- fell victim to a couple of 30-point nights from King Crab and Pookie and a fifth straight double-double for the RuPaul of big men.

Now, the reality is, back-to-back road games on back-to-back nights against the Magic and cHeat would be a tall order for any team. And that they lost on a buzzer-beater in Orlando and then by only five the very next night in Miami is actually pretty impressive if you think about it. But still...could a winless weekend like this be the beginning of the end of all the great post-'Melo mojo?

The Atlanta Hawks: They had their wills broken by LeBron's 23-point third quarter on Friday night...after which they cracked like eggs and got blown out at home by the cHeat. Ah, the Hawks crumbling against a good team. The playoffs must be coming!

But, hey, as Basketbawful reader Evan pointed out, at least LeBron and D-Wade made it onto Atlanta's Kiss Cam:


Said Al Horford: "We got a little discouraged when LeBron was making all those shots (8-for-13 in the third quarter). We're struggling right now. We're really trying to find ourselves. ... We've had some good times, but we're going through a real rough patch right now."

Specifically, as of Friday, Atlanta had lost six of eight. Sure, they won at home on Sunday night against the Pistons, but Detroit is 20 games below .500. So, you know, not all that impressive. Although the Pistons did have a big win this weekend against...

The New York Knicks: Talk about winless weekends. On Friday night, they suffered an offensive-defensive meltdown in a come-from-ahead loss in Detroit. Carmelo Anthony scored only 6 points on 2-for-12 shooting and went 0-for-5 in a fourth quarter during which the Pistons outscored the Knicks 29-17.

Said Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "They're a pretty good ball team, but they're not in the playoff hunt. We are. We're trying to get better seeding, so to lose tonight is definitely not a proud moment for us."

Not a proud moment? That's an understatement. After all, the Pistons began that night 20 games below .500. But, hey, they played the night before and beat the Grizzlies to death. Back-to-backs can be a stumbling block, as I've often noted...

...but there's no good explanation for Sunday's loss in Milwaukee. A career-high 30 points for Carlos Delfino? A near triple-double (14 points, 11 rebounds, 9 assists) from Brandon Jennings? And 100 points scored by the Bucks, whom, as we all know, are the most dreadful offensive team in the Association?

But the failure was on both ends. From the AP recap: "The Knicks got off to a dismal start in this one, missing 11 of their first 12 shots to fall behind by double digits in the first six minutes. New York trailed 32-9 after the first, the lowest-scoring first quarter for the Knicks in 55 years, according to STATS, LLC, and the worst offensive output in any quarter in nearly four years."

The Knicks: Now 7-8 since the 'Melo trade and only one game above .500.

Said Anthony: "There's no time for anybody on the team to panic. We're losing some games that we're supposed to win, but I feel that it's a learning process for us. I'm not really concerned about where we are as a team or us losing games or winning games, as long as we get better at the things we need to get better at, then I'm cool with that."

And if you guys were getting better, that would be one thing, 'Melo. But you're not.

The Cleveland Cadavers: With the way this season has gone, Cleveland losing to the Clippers just feels right, you know? But, in true Clippers fashion, it wasn't that simple...

The Los Angeles Clippers: Sure, they beat the Cads to improve their record to only 16 games below .500. But, according to the AP recap: "An hour and a half before the game, Staples Center was in lockdown while police subdued a man wielding a steak knife in front of the Cavaliers' bench. Both teams were safely tucked away in their dressing rooms during the tense standoff before the culprit was subdued by a beanbag gun, handcuffed and led away.

Oh, man. Only the Clippers, right?

Said Blake Griffin: "That was crazy, man. There aren't too many knife standoffs in Oklahoma -- not that I can remember. So it's a first for me. I was sitting in here next to D.J. [DeAndre Jordan] and Randy Foye came in and said: 'Yo, somebody just pulled a knife.' I was like, 'What?' And then they explained the whole thing. We were trapped in here for a while. But both teams had to go through it, so it didn't really put us at a disadvantage."

Again I say: Only the Clippers.

The Washington Wizards Generals: This line from the AP recap of their Friday night loss in Toronto -- which dropped them to 1-31 on the road -- pretty much says all you need to know about this team: "The Washington Wizards still aren't winning, but at least they're feeling better about the way they're losing."

Not sure there's much to feel good about after losing to the Craptors and letting Andrea Bargnani (33 points) set career highs for free throws made (15) and attempted (18). I mean, that's a moral victory? Really?

Then again, on Sunday the Generals came back from 17 points down to win at home against the Nyets. Without Andray Blatche, Josh Howard, Rashard Lewis and Nick Young. So maybe that really was a "good loss" in Toronto. On the other hand...

The New Jersey Nyets: After a tough loss to the Bulls on Thursday night, they got drilled by double digits in Milwaukee on Friday night as Carlos "I am suddenly red-fucking-hot" Delfino knocked down a career-best eight triples. The Bucks -- who are, again, a hot mess on offense -- scored 110 points on 57 percent shooting. Afterwards, there was a lot of talk about Deron Williams and his bum wrist (D-Will went 4-for-13 one night after going 1-for-12 against the Bullies). But this game was lost on defense, not offense.

Now, as for Sunday's loss in Washington, it happened without Williams, who missed the game to rest his injured wrist. But, again, the Nyets were up 17. And lost. To a truly bawful team that was missing four starters.

Said Brook Lopez: "I guess we just got complacent. I did a little. Once we realized what was going on, it was too late."

New Jersey is now 4-29 on the road. Second-worst in the league.

Screamed Avery Johnson: "I TOLD OUR PLAYERS, 'THIS LOSS WAS REALLY PAINFUL.' WE WERE PRETTY GOOD IN THE FIRST HALF. IN THE SECOND HALF, WE WEREN'T VERY GOOD."

That's why he's coaching, folks.

Andrew Bynum: Wanna know why Andy got a two-day vacation for his blatant thugging of Michael Beasley? Check out the look on his face right afterward. Now, maybe he didn’t mean to do it and wasn’t trying to hurt anybody, but that’s the look of somebody who meant to commit a flagrant. Know what I’m sayin’?


The Sacramento Kings: With every home game potentially their last in Sacramento, the Kings could have precious few opportunities to bring joy to the Sactown crowd. Well, there wasn't much joy in Mudville on Friday, as the Paupers committed 22 turnovers, bricked 11 free throws, missed 17 of 22 three-point attempts, shot 34.5 percent as a team and trailed by as many as 28 in a 102-80 home loss to the Sixers.

How many teams lose by 20 when they have a 28-12 advantage in free throw attempts? This answer may shock you: I have no idea. But the Kings did it.

Can you blame the home fans for booing? Of course you can't. This was bad even by the standards of the team with the worst record (16-51) in a conference that includes the Clippers and Timberwolves.

Said coach Paul Westfail: "This was a bad game for us, I don't blame the fans for booing. It wasn't good basketball by us."

Added Philly's Andre Iguodala: "The Kings are a high-turnover team. You don't have to gamble or be aggressive and go for steals against them to get turnovers. We just let them make the mistakes."

Wow.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Speaking of wow: The T-Wolves quickly exchanged places with the Kings and regained their well-deserved "Worst in the West" title by losing at home to the Kings. And it was no mere loss. They got blown the holy hell out by, again, the Kings. Minny committed 25 turnovers and got outrebounded 47-27, giving up 127 points on 56 percent shooting in 32-point bitchslapping that probably made coach Kurt Rambis long for the days of getting clotheslined by Kevin McHale.

Now, in all fairness, Kevin Love left in the second quarter with an injured left groin. But...the Kings? The Kings?! Tyreke Evans was out with plantar fasciitis in his left foot. DeMarcus Cousins got ejected. I'd stay that should have evened the playing field. Especially for the home team.

Said Anthony Tolliver: "As part of being professionals, you have to learn how to play every game the same. Unfortunately we don't. A lot of guys on this team don't bring it every night. It's something that we all have to work on. ... Us as teammates, we have to keep each other accountable. It's everybody's fault because we allow it to happen."

Well, I definitely agree that it's everybody's fault...

By the way, regarding the Cousins ejection, I guess I understand why the refs tossed him, but I'd say Luke Ridnour got away with one here.


The Oklahoma City Thunder: So...the team that beat the cHeat in Miami on Thursday lost at home to the Craptors on Sunday? Seriously?

Seriously. Go to the 20-second mark of this video to watch it happen.

Last-second layups by Amir Johnson aside, it really shouldn't have come to that. Oklahoma City had won six in a row. Toronto had lost 14 straight on the road...a franchise record for futility away from home. Which is saying something for a club like the Craptors. And the Thunder even led 93-90 with 1:13 left.

How did they lose this one?

Said Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "We took some quick shots and some perimeter shots. Normally what we do is attack the basket, try to get to the free throw line and make plays from the inside-out. We missed a lot of shots that we normally make and we've been making a lot lately."

Speaking of which, James Johnson -- yes, James Johnson -- held Kevin Durant to 0-for-7 shooting in the third quarter, during which Toronto outscored Oklahoma City 28-22.

Said Craptors coach Jay Triano: "If there's a game ball, it's for James Johnson and the work he did on Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant had very few easy looks."

The Indiana Pacers: Think Friday night's overtime win over the Bulls took something out of them?

Said Tyler Hansbrough: "Anytime you get a big win like that, you come out and have a little stiffness."

And what a stiffie it was.

On Saturday night in Memphis, the Pacers shot 35.6 percent from the field, committed 20 turnovers and got outrebounded 44-36 while giving up 26 fast break points. The Care Bears got Indy down by as many as 25 points and won 99-78.

Said Danny Granger: "We were aware they were No. 1 in the league in steals. We kind of have a trend when teams pressure us and force us out of our offense, it's usually a bad night for us. We couldn't counteract that and had 20 turnovers."

Added Pacers coach Frank Vogel: "We did a poor job of recognizing how good their hands were getting the steals, and it led to runouts and killed us on the break."

Some bonus numbers from the game notes section of the AP recap: "Memphis is 15-1 against teams playing the second game of a back-to-back, including 12-0 at home. ... The Pacers are 1-7 on the road this month. ... Indiana has lost seven of its last eight Saturday games."

The Charlotte Bobcraps: On paper, they were catching the Spurs at the right time: One night after a big win in Dallas. And Tim Duncan even sat this one out, Announcing that Tim Duncan would miss his first game all season, getting listed on a pregame injury report as "trop vieux." That's French for "too old."

What's French for "too suck"? Because that's what the Bobcraps are.

Despite shooting 50 percent and outrebounding the Spurs 39-34, Charlotte fell behind by as many as 26 points and had to outscore the Spurs 30-19 in the final 12 minutes of garbage time to make the final margin (109-98) look semi-respectable.

Said Boris Diaw: "It's been like that for quite a while. In a run for the playoffs, every game is going to be important. To get a 'W' is important, so it's frustrating."

In this "run" for the playoffs -- really, it's more like a one-legged, bare foot shuffle across broken glass and barbed wire -- the Bobcraps have lost nine of their last 11 games. Now, in all fairness, eight of those 11 games have been on the road, and they've faced teams like the Magic, Nuggets, Lakers, Frail Blazers (twice), Bulls, Thunder and Spurs. Mostly without leading scorer Stephen Jackson. So, yeah, there are circumstances.

Still, losing is losing.

Chris's Weekend Lacktion Ledger:

Generals-Craptors: Hamady N'Diaye had two boards in 11:46 negated by three fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl, while Kevin Serpahin serenaded the Toronto crowd with two bricked free throws, two lost rocks, and three fouls in 5:11 for a +7 suck differential AND a 5:0 Voskuhl!

Heat-Hawks: Jason Collins countered a board in 11:38 as starting big man with four fouls for a 4:1 Voskuhl.

Bobcats-Thunder: Cole Aldrich added a Game Genie to his collection in just 36 seconds for a Mario.

Spurs-Mavs: San Antonio's J. Anderson had three seconds on the Virtual Boy for a SUPER MARIO! Also, his Mario represents the 100th different lacktator this season to plug in his Famicom!!!!

Nyets-Bucks: Johan Petro went 66% from the field (on three attempts) in 11:12 only to foul and lose the rock thricely each for a 6:4 Voskuhl.

Brandan Wright and Stephen Graham each put on the plumbers overals for Prokhorov in 48 seconds as MARIO BROTHERS!

Sixers-How Are They Still In Sacramento The Way The Maloofs Look Down On The River City Purple Paupers: Jason Kapono bricked once from Frank Fat's restaurant in 4:01 for a +1.

Nyets-Generals: Cartier Martin discovered two bricks (one on the Whitehurst Freeway) and a foul in 5:39 for a +3.

Knicks-Bucks: Jared Jeffries countered an assist in 7:53 with a trio of fouls and a turnover for a 4:0 Voskuhl, while Earl Boykins managed a brick in 4:52 (while the rest of the deer made it to 100 points again!) for a +1.

The Purple Paupers Who Represent Sacramento Still As Of March 20, 2011 And Shockingly WON-Wolves: DeMarcus Cousins went 50% from the stripe and field (in four total attempts) and garnered a board and four assists in 20:33...only to foul thricely and lose the rock four times for a 7:4 Voskuhl.

Minnesota's Nikola Pekovic had three boards and a field goal in 19:51, but earned four fouls and three turnovers for a 7:5 Voskuhl ratio.

Suns-Clippers: Robin Lopez laid an egg from the field in 12:18 and negated a free throw and a board with two fouls and a lost rock for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Craptors-Thunder: Oklahoma City's Nazr mohammed nulled out three boards in 7:49 with two fouls and two turnovers each for a 4:3 Voskuhl.

Frail Blazers-Lakers: In the highly unanticipated rematch of the 2000 Western Conference Finals, Derrick Caracter contracted two fouls and a turnover in 3:27 for a +3 and 3:0 Voskuhl, while Joe Smith was rejected by Peach and had a brick tossed at him by the Hammer Brothers in 40 seconds for a +2 AND a Mario!

Worst of the Weekend...

...was my hangover after a wild Saturday night. Worst of the Night will return tomorrow. Until then, here's a photogaphic representation of what I felt like on Sunday.

Worst of the Weekend: The Miami Heat

What a painful, winless weekend for the Super Friends of South Beach.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

One day after blowing a 24-point lead in a loss to the Orlando Magic, the Miami Heat were again embarrassed, this time in San Antonio. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and company lost 125-95 to the Spurs on Friday. It's the Heat's worst loss of the season and the second-most points they've allowed. The Spurs set a franchise record with 17 3-pointers en route to their 22nd straight home win.

Miami falls to 1-8 this season against the Bulls, Celtics, Lakers, Mavericks and Spurs. That one win came against the Lakers on Christmas Day, but there have been no presents since then against the league's top teams and the schedule doesn't get easier. The Heat play their next eight games against teams currently above .500.

The Heat entered the game with a 43-18 record. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, it's the first time in almost two years that a team that many games over .500 lost a game by 30 or more points. Cleveland beat the [Kevin Garnett-less] Celtics by 31 points on April 12, 2009. Boston entered the game with a 60-19 record.

Also from ESPN Stats and Information:

If you watched SportsCenter, you probably heard the stat -- the Heat are now 1-for-18 this season in the final 10 seconds of regulation when trailing by three points or fewer. But that's not the only troublesome number to come out of this game.

The Bulls completely took away Miami’s isolation offense, holding the Heat to 1-for-7 shooting on plays where a potential shooter is isolated against his defender. The Heat typically score 13 points per game on such plays, according to video review, but the Bulls held them to just three points on Sunday.

And although Chris Bosh was 9-for-14 from the field, he struggled again against Joakim Noah. Bosh was 3-for-8 from the field when Noah was the primary defender against him. In the last two games against the Bulls, Bosh is 4-for-14 when Noah is guarding him.

One other nugget related to the Heat's 1-for-18 in "crunch time." James' former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, may not be having the best season, but they are 5-for-11 in similar situations in 2010-11.

And now the quotes:

Chris Bosh:

"When you put your heart and your soul, your blood, your sweat, your tears into something and you want something so bad and it just slips from you by one point, two points, three points, 30 points, just to come up short again and again, it hurts."

Dwyane Wade:

"Outside, the Miami Heat are exactly what everyone wanted, losing games. The world is better now since the Heat is losing."

LeBron James:

"I told my team, I'm not going to continue to fail late in games. I put a lot of blame on myself tonight. I told the guys that I just keep failing them late in games and I won't continue to do that."

Yeah, well, what about that "potential game-winning shot," LeBron? I mean, a running, left-handed, contested layup attempt flung over a seven-footer?

"I had a step on Joakim and I knew he was going to try to use his length to block the shot. I've made plenty of left-hand layups over bigs before."

I guess that makes it all okay then. But what about D-Wade? I mean, this was his team, right? Why are his crunch-time touches coming from offensive rebounds instead of plays featuring his number? What do you think, Dwyane?

"I'm used to coming down in the fourth, having the ball, making mistakes, getting a chance to make up for them, etc. You try to do your best. That's all you can do. That was one of the things we got to understand when we all decided to come together. That there were going to be sacrifices that have to be made. And you live with the consequences."

Interpret that as you will.

Heat coach Erik Spoelstra:

"This is painful for every single one of us to go through this, there are couple of guys crying in the locker room right now, it is not a matter of want."

Crying? Crying?!

Okay. The crying thing may be true. And, honestly, it's not as shameful as some people are making it out to be. But you don't out your players for weeping because of a loss. Not after a regular season game in March. I think coach 'Spo knows that. Or he should have known it. I get what he was trying to show how much his players care about winning. But what he actually did was emasculate and embarrass them in from of the world.

From the Palm Beach Post Heat Zone blog:

Oh, that's not good. Players didn't seem thrilled that Spoelstra said this, especially when reporters began probing to learn the identities of the weepy. I understand what Spoelstra was trying to do, but it will just come off that his team is soft. For the record, Chris Bosh said he was close but didn't cry, and Dwyane Wade (who was more emotional than usual) took umbrage to the question.

From Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Sun-Times:

After a loss to the Bulls on Sunday, Miami coach Erik Spoelstra said "a couple of guys" were crying in the locker room.

For his sake, I hope it was the Big Three of the trainer, the ballboy and the physical therapist. If Spoelstra has players crying after a game in early March, I can't imagine what he’s going to encounter in the locker room when the Bulls beat the Heat in the playoffs.

Actually, yes, I can. It will look like an audience that just finished watching "The Notebook."

There is nothing wrong with crying. Speaker of the House John Boehner is an inveterate crier. People cry on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" all the time.

But NBA players after a loss in March? Really?

If so, the Bulls can cross the Heat off their to-do list. Now, if they can only figure out what activates the Celtics’ sprinkler system.

Now, in the interest of fairness, Rod Benson provides some much-needed perspective to the "crying" thing. A player's perspective.

These guys care. They care a lot, actually. Yes, they care what people think. They care that their legacies are on the line. They care about the city of Miami. They care about the NBA. They even care about you, their haters. How do I know they care? Because I know how much you have to care to cry after a loss.

Let's look at this as if The Decision had never happened, shall we? Three superstars are willing to each give up a part of their stardom, and give up a part of their money, in order to try to win a championship. This is pretty high on the basketball sacrifice scale. Then they have to each change their games and learn how to play with one another, taking a huge gamble in the process, in order to take their games to the next level. Each of them will have to do things they've never done before.

They took a risk and now, they're actually kind of successful. A contender? Not for me to call, but certainly not a group of bumbling idiots trying to learn to cope with themselves like the cast of "The Wizard of Oz."

LeBron James has to get courage, Dwyane Wade a brain, and Chris Bosh some heart? And this crying, especially by Bosh, is supposed to show that they're too weak for the task? All of this because they lost four games in a row?

Think about it like this: Jay Cutler showed no emotion when he was forced to sit out and watch his team lose in the NFC Championship. People chastised him for not caring. So why do the flip the script and treat these grown men like little girls for doing the opposite? Take your pick: either it's just a game, a job, a business, and it's devoid of emotion, or it's something more. It's something like love. When it's great, nothing can make you happier, and when it's bad nothing can be worse in the world. Don't you wish every athlete had that? There are a lot of guys who will never have it. Some of them are the best players on your favorite team right now. Sorry to break it to you. You have to at least give it to the Heat for that.

Whatever the case, something's wrong. After 63 games, the Heat are 43-20. Last year, the Cavaliers were 49-14 after 63 games. Back then, LeBron was teamed up with a bunch of bums, right? The team's failures weren't his fault. They were the fault of management for not supplying a better supporting cast. They were the fault of his teammates for not being good enough. Now he's got an MVP-level teammate and another All-Star getting his back.

So if the Cavaliers failed because LeBron didn't have better teammates -- specifically a secondary scorer to take the pressure off of him -- what's his excuse this time? Basketball's statocracy tell us King Crab is the best basketball player in the world. The numbers don't lie. They can't lie.

Why, then, can't the Heat beat good teams? Why can't they close games?

I don't feel entirely comfortable making player comparisons. But I imagine Larry Bird or Michael Jordan in similar circumstances. Sitting in the locker room in steely-eyed silence. Teammates avoiding their raptor-like gaze. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm suffering recall bias, but I don't remember K.C. Jones or Pat Riley ever say that the Celtics or Lakers were weeping after a big loss that wasn't a playoff elimination. I do remember Bird calling his teammates sissies and hearing that post-loss practices were so intense they bordered on hostile.

Machismo is overrated. It really is. But if you had to bet your chips on a team to come back from losing, would you bet on the team that gets pissed off and looks like they want to kill somebody (maybe even each other), or the team that's moping around, whining about the world being against them, and maybe crying? That's not a judgement. I'm asking an honest question.

The Worst of the Worst of the Weekend

For one magical night, it was like LeBron never left.Thanks, of course, to the Los Angeles Clippers.
The Los Angeles Clippers: It figures. It just freaking figures. The only dark power greater (lesser?) than Cleveland's record-shattering 26-game losing streak was the Clippers.

And not just any Clippers team, mind you, but one coached by the Notorious VDN.

We should have seen it coming. Should have known it was going to happen. I mean, this is the Clippers we're talking about.

The ultimate (and most fitting) moment of bawful came when J.J. Hickson appeared to goaltend a potential game-winner by Baron Davis at the end of regulation.


Said Blake Griffin: "I can't say what I think about all those things. That was unbelievable. Throughout the whole game, it was just unbelievable. That was the worst home-court advantage I've ever seen. There's such a thing as home-court advantage, but that was unbelievable."

Added Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro: "I thought it was goaltending. They [the officials] didn't think it was. They can't review it because it wasn't a call that was made. I'll have to look at the film. I couldn't see from that angle. It looked like it got on the glass, but I'm guessing."

Be that as it may, the Clippers let the Cadavers keep things close, which had nothing to do with the refs. If you don't want the outcome of the game to come down to a single, last-second call (or non-call), then just win it outright.

Baron Davis knows what I'm sayin': "Gotta give it up. They played well. They won. For a team that lost 26 games in a row, they came out, they wanted to win and they played like it. I'm not saying we didn't. They made big plays at the end. We didn't."

You want a true sign of pure bawfulness? According to ESPN Stats and Information: "The Clippers managed an unusual statistical quirk in that every player who played in the game had a negative plus/minus rating. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, they're the only team in the past 10 years to lose an overtime game and have every player who played post a negative plus/minus rating."

As for the Cadavers, they celebrated like a group of men who had just been let out of prison. And it probably felt that way...if only because nobody on the team has ever spent time in a real prison.

And, also according to EPSN Stats and Information, one streak has ended, but several others remain: "They’ve dropped 26 consecutive road games, 16 straight games to teams with winning records and 13 straight games to Eastern Conference opponents."

Aw, hell. I guess we should just let these guys feel good for a night.

Said Cleveland coach Byron Scott: "They're in there jumping around and having a good time. I told them to enjoy it but let's not take a big breath and think OK we got a win, great. We have to think that we are supposed to win games. ... It's great. We finally got the monkey off our back. But I expect our guys to play this hard every single night. If we do that, we'll be OK."

And who knows? Maybe they will be...

The Cleveland Cadavers: ...or not. Because on Sunday night, the Washington Wizards Generals showed up in Cleveland with their 0-25 road record. And they left Cleveland 1-25.

The Generals shot 54.3 percent. The Cadavers missed 12 free throws, committed 17 turnovers and trailed by as many as 25.

Said Scott: "I'm still trying to figure them out because to me that was ridiculous. I hope they don't have any excuses. Just tell the truth. There has to be a sense of urgency every single night. ... It's disappointing. Playing hard should not be a skill. It's your job. If we don't give ourselves a chance by coming out and playing with a sense of urgency then we have no shot of winning games."

Unless you play the Clippers.

John Wall: Thanks to Wall, the Generals got a taste of defeat even in victory.


The Los Angeles Clippers (Again): The Toronto Craptors had lost 16 of their last 17 games. But, then again, they were playing the team that had just let the Cadavers snap the longest losing streak in NBA history.

Ah, the Clippers.

The Other L.A. Team has lost six of seven games and they're 4-20 on the road. That ties them with the Minnesota Timberwolves for the fewest road wins in the West.

Said Del Negro: "Everyone talks about these other teams. We aren't exactly road warriors here."

The Toronto Muffins: Basketbawful reader mikemobility sent me a link to a sentence I never thought I'd read: "Due to legal implications we cannot specifically mention the name of Toronto's basketball team...so TeamBuy decided to replace it with the word 'Muffin.'"

Saying I'm speechless really does not justice to the amount of speech I am less of.

The Utah Jazz: Finally freed of Jerry Sloan's oppressive offensive system, Deron Williams had big numbers (19 points, 14 assists, 8 rebounds) and the Jazz were held to 83 points at home...by the Phoenix Suns.

I guess everything really did work out for the best.

The Jazz, who scored 27 points in the second half, have now dropped 11 of their last 15 games.

Said D-Will: "Maybe I feel a little more pressure now. Do I care what the fans think of me? Yeah, I'd be lying if I didn't. I don't want them to think I ran a Hall of Fame coach out. But I can't get caught up in that anymore. ... They can choose who they want to believe."

The San Antonio Spurs: Somewhat lost in the overall bawful of the Clippers/Cadavers was the fact that the San Antonio "best record in the league" Spurs shot a season-low 33 percent and managed only 71 points in a loss to the Sixers. Mind you, the Spurs rank 6th in PPG (103.6), 4th in FGP (47.3) and 3rd in Offensive Rating (111.3).

Said San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich: "I think it set offensive basketball back a decade or so."

FWIW, with Sloan out of the league, I think Pops is my new favorite coach.

The New York Knicks: Their 113-96 home loss to the Lakers was the perfect bookend to a down streak that began with a 109-87 road loss to the Lakers back on January 9. During this stretch, the Knicks have gone 5-12 and come crashing back down to .500 (although they snuck back over .500 with a win over the Nyets on Sunday).

Said Stoudemire: "We've got to get back on the right track, we've got to get our confidence back up, got to play solid basketball, doing the little things on the court with energy and with swagger. We haven't quite had our swagger for the past 2 1/2 weeks, so we've got to get back to what we're used to doing and what we did well to start the year."

Mike D'Antoni and Raymond Felton, quote machines: On his team's loss to the Lakers: "I thought Kobe definitely took us out of our game and took our hearts a little bit. He made some tough shots, especially the first quarter."

Countered Felton: "He didn't take my heart. He had a great game. He was hitting a lot of tough shots. But nobody takes my heart."

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: I'm not going to make any jokes that relate to human anatomy in any way. Nor am I going to question the general relativity of pain thresholds. Instead, I will just tell you that STAT missed Sunday's game against the Nyets and is currently day-to-day with a sprained right big toe.

Said Stoudemire: "Getting this rest is gonna be phenomenal for myself to get myself back in top shape. I've been lifting weights and staying strong. It's gonna pan out."

The Miami Heat: I have only one thing to say:


Paul Pierce: 0-for-10 from the field and 0-for-5 from three-point range. It was the Truth's first game without a basket since December 13, 2000...just a few months after he was almost stabbed to death. However, it may be worth noting he had a sprained shooting hand and a foot injury that will require an MRI today.

Said Pierce: I'm just battling a couple of minor injuries today. I think that really explains my tentativeness in my shooting today. I told (coach) Doc (Rivers) that I really didn't have it today, but I just tried the grind it out. I sprained (the hand Saturday) and got it hit today. I've got to get the foot checked out (today)."

The Celtics better hope these injuries are minor.

Rajon Rondo: The kid sure had some funny moments yesterday:



The Jason Kidd triple-double was nice, too.

Big Baby: This is a perfect video representation of this weekend:


DeMarcus Cousins: "Cuz" didn't make his team's trip to Phoenix to play the Suns because of "an incident in the locker room." That that however you wish.

The Phoenix Suns: Didn't matter that Cousins missed the game, nor that Steve Nash (22 points, 18 assists) has amazing super powers. The Suns still lost to the Kings. At home. And, if you blinked, you probably missed the fact that Phoenix had actually crawled a game over .500.

Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "It's one of those losses that you are going to look back at and it's going to hurt."

Uh, it hurts right now, coach.

Sasha Vujacic, quote machine: This is a few days delayed, but Basketbawful reader Mark L. sent me this quote (via Ball Don't Lie), and it may be the greatest quote I have ever or will ever read:

"I know I can score 20 or 30 points anytime I want. But I'm not that kind of a guy. I want to win. I want to play the right way. Some games I'm going to get 10 shots, some games 15 shots; sometimes, especially coming off the bench, you're going to feel cold, and you need time to get in the rhythm. But right now, what I care the most is for us to become a better team. And we are really capable of doing that."

For the record, The Machine has scored 30 points exactly zero times in his career. He has scored 20 points six times in his career: Twice this season and four times during the 2007-08 season which, not coincidentally, was a contract year. But, still, he went his first three seasons without a single 20-point outing and then, after signing a three-year, $15 million deal with the Lakers in July of 2008, he went the next two seasons-plus without scoring 20.

But he could have done it anytime he wanted. He's just not that kind of guy.

Update! Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Jon-Michael:

Here's a gem from the weekend missed from the weekend's report.

Carmelo gives the old "atta boy" to...himself for handling the trade situation so well. Here's the quote and the source:

"I think it takes a strong-willed person, a strong-minded person, to deal with the stuff that I deal with and still go out there and go to work every day and perform on a nightly basis,'' the Denver forward said about trade rumors that have swirled all season as the Feb. 24 trade deadline approaches. "I take my hat off to myself for dealing with all this stuff that's going on and still be able to go out there and play at the high level that I can play at. I really don't think an average person can walk in my shoes. I don't think that."

Oh Carmelo, I take my hat off to you as well, except it appears you've taken care of that yourself.

CBS: Found this one via TrueHoop. And I get it: I used to have trouble spelling Scerbi, uh, Szcrebia, er, Szczrambia, whatever. You know what? "Random Dude" is fine with me.


Chris's weekend mega lacktion ledger:

Nyets-Bobcats: Johan Petro parlayed a board in 6:09 with two bricks and three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Charlotte's Nazr Mohammed made a free throw in 7:53, only to foul twice and lose the rock once for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Spurs-Sixers: Darius Songaila sang about a board in 3:58, but tuned out productivity twice with fouls for 2:1 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, Jason Kapono and Andres Nocioni went sewer-sweeping in 22 seconds as MARIO BROTHERS!

Heat-Pistons: Juwan Howard lost the rock in 3:23 for a +1.

Lakers-Knicks: Derrick Caracter contracted a single case of the airball flu in 3:02 for a +1.

Bucks-Grizzlies: Jason Williams returns to Memphis by losing the rock in 4:26 for a +1, the same suck differential that Hasheem "Second Overall" Thabeet gathered up in 2:03 via foul (and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl).

Suns-Jazz: Kyrylo Fesenko may have a new coach in Utah, but with two fouls countering two steals and a board for a 2:1 Voskuhl in 10:03, he still knows how to lack.

Bobcats-Hawks: Jason Collins had a perfect 100% shooting percentage (on one field goal attempt and two free throws) in 14:30, along with a board...only to lose the rock once and foul five times for a 6:5 Voskuhl.

Fellow dirty bird Damien Wilkins went six seconds of browsing the X-Play boards for a Super Mario!!!!

Knicks-Nyets: Despite an assist in 5:16, Johan Petro bricked and fouled once for a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Bulls-Hornets: David Andersen accumulated four fouls and two turnovers despite three boards in 13:28 for a 6:3 Voskuhl, while DJ Mbenga bricke and fouled once for a +2 suck differential in 3:02.

Mavs-Rockets: Patrick Patterson pressed one brick in 1:36 for a +1.

Pacers-Bucks: Jon Brockman had a monsterous pair of misses from the charity stripe for a +2 in 2:33.

Thunder-Purple Paupers: Nick Collison may have a nice +21 and two boards in 19:58...only to foul five times for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Sad Sacramento's Pooh Jeter bricked twice (once from the Tower Bridge) for a +2 in 7:07, while Luther Head fouled once for a +1 in 1:47.

Heat-Celtics: Joel Anthony augmented a board with two fouls in 21:02 for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Avery Bradley played 9 seconds of WiiFit for a Super Mario!

Lakers-Magic: Luke Walton and Devin Ebanks each invested in a +1 suck differential, Walton earning his via turnover in 9:04, and Ebanks via masonry in 72 seconds.

Clippers-Craptors: Los Angeles's Ike Diogu dug himself a +1 hole in 3:10 via foul that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Thunder-Warriors: Oklahoma City's Daequan Cook fried up a foul in 4:31 for a +1.

Worst of the Weekend

Possibly the most appropriate sad bench ever.
The Atlanta Hawks: The Dirty Birds were coming off a road win over the Miami Heat. They had won 11 of their last 14 games. Things were looking up damn it.

Then...something terrible happened. We're talking catastrophic bawfulness. We're talking "penis caught in your own zipper" bad. We're talking about a 41-point home loss to the New Orleans Hornets. It was Atlanta's worst home loss since a 118-74 blowout by Phoenix on March 30, 2000.

Said Josh Smith: "You can't explain it. You have games like this sometimes."

Really, Josh? Really?

Teams don't get held to 59 points every day. In fact, the Atlanta Hawks had never been held belo 60 points. Their worse offensive output ever came in a 73-63 loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers on November 19, 1996. So Christian Laettner, Mookie Blaylock, Tyrone Corbin, Dikembe Mutumbo and Jon Barry thank you, 2010-11 Atlanta Hawks.

To find a worse offensive showing, you'd have to go back to their 62-57 loss to the Boston Celtics. When they were the Milwaukee Hawks. In 1955.

Here's more fuel to the fire of suck from ESPN Stats and Information: "The Hawks are the fifth team to score fewer than 60 points and shoot under 30 percent from the field at home in the last 25 seasons and the first since the Heat in 2001."

Atlanta shot 29 percent as a team. According to Basketball-Reference, they finished with an eFG% of 31.6 and an Offensive Rating of 69.1. According to Hoopdata, they were 10-for-22 at the rim (45.5 percent), 4-for-12 inside 10 feet (33.4 percent), 0-for-1 from 10-15 feet (zero percent), 5-for-24 from 16-23 feet (20.9 percent) and 4-for-20 from downtown (20 percent).

Congratulations, Hawks. You played The Most Bawful Game of the Year. So far.

The Toronto Craptors: To be frank, I would expect a winless weekend for the Craptosaurs when that weekend featured back-to-back road games in Orlando and Miami. And they didn't disappoint...with regards to providing bawful. On Friday night, they lost 112-72 to the Magic. Dwight Howard had 31 points and 19 rebounds.

Said Raptors coach Jay Triano: "[Dwight Howard] is good. We're not."

Added Andrea Bargnani: "We're playing bad. After every game, it seems like we played worse. We have to find a way to stop this and play better."

That didn't happen on Saturday night in Miami. Even though the cHeat were without Chris Bosh (left ankle sprain) and Dwyane Wade (migraine), the Craptors got shelled...by Mike Miller. Yes, the same Mike Miller who began the night having scored a total of 15 points on 21 percent shooting in 10 games so far this season, including zero points at home. He scored 22 of those points in the second quarter, setting a cHeat franchise record for points in that quarter.

Miller finished with 32 points on 12-for-20 shooting. He also grabbed 10 rebounds...matching the combined output of Bargs (a center) and Amir Johnson (a power forward).

Said Bargnani: "Kill me. For the love of God. Kill me."

Ryan Anderson, quote machine: Regarding teammate Dwight Howard: "Sometimes it looks like he's playing against high school kids out there. Actually, all the time it looks like he's playing against high school kids."

Dwyane Wade and LeBron James, quote machine: Because these belong in a post.

From The Other Chris:

Mind-numbing comments from D-Wade (emphasis mine):

We're not the Boston Celtics. We're not these kinds of teams that need to play together. We have guys that have the individual talent, and sometimes the individual talent, one-on-one ability is going to take over. Boston has more of guys that have great individual talent, but they feed off each other. We're a new team and we're still figuring it out.

You don't need to play together? Unlike, you know, any and every great team in the history of team sports?

From stephanie g:

LeBron on his post game:

"I spent a lot of time on it this offseason. Once I made the decision to come here and realized we had a low-post threat, I kind of backed off a little bit. ... With [Chris Bosh] being out, I can go back to it. I just have to dust it off a little bit. It's no problem."

Because obviously when Bosh plays he hogs all the space around the paint and no one else can post up and...wait.

"Even with Bosh, the Heat have been among the league's least-productive teams in low-post scoring. Miami ranks 29th among the league's 30 teams in points in the paint, averaging just 34.9 points a game."

Oh lawd.

The Utah Jazz: What...the...frick.

Talk about a craptastic four-game stretch for the Mormon Musicians. It started with back-to-back road losses to the Wizards Generals and Nyets. Then, on Friday night in Boston, they were whacked around piñata-style by the Celtics. On Saturday in Philly, Utah fell behind, tried to mount a comeback, and then had their rally turned back by a five-point play (Andre Iguodala was fouled on a made three-pointer, Iggy missed the free throw, and Elton Brand tipped in the miss).

Said Jazz taskmaster Jerry Sloan: "We've lost our focus. I think we're feeling sorry for ourselves."

More bad news: Utah's five-game road trip finishes up on Tuesday night against the Lakers in L.A. Considering this team's history of being overwhelmed by L.A.'s size, this could get ugly. Well, uglier.

Deron Williams, excuse machine: He scored season-low five points against the Celtics, going 1-for-4 from the field and ending a streak of 48 straight regular-season games of double-digit scoring.

Said D-Will: "I was ready to get out there and play today. If I could have just got a chance, maybe could have done something. But I didn't have a rhythm early. Two quick fouls -- two quick calls, I should say -- took me out of my game and I really couldn't recover."


The Houston Rockets and Indiana Pacers: Two bad teams. Two winless weekends. I'll give you a few seconds to recover from the shock. You ready? Movin' on then...

(Okay, okay, I wouldn't be me if I didn't talk about how the Pacers suffered "The Rain of Death" this weekend. Indy built a 16-point lead against the Frail Blazers in Portland, but Nicky Batum drilled five treys, including four straight in the fourth quarter as the Blazers rallied for the win. The Pacers then helped the Denver crowd fall back in love with Carmelo Anthony, who hit a career-high six triples...all in the third quarter. Said 'Melo: "Man, I mean, they just kept leaving me open. The 3-ball was falling. I've been looking for the 3-ball for about a month and a-half now." Anthony is shooting 30 percent from beyond the arc this season. Just sayin'.)

The New York Knicks: I kept saying their schedule was going to catch up with them. It took a little longer than I thought...but it's happening. And this winless weekend was a perfect example.

Weekend loss number two came against the Spurs in San Antonio. The Bricks were held to 92 points on 37 percent shooting. Amar''''''e Stoudemire led the Clank Parade by going 8-for-25 from the field.

Said STAT: "Got to win a game. That's all it is, We're fine, we're fine. We're in a slump, but we'll be all right."

That game they had to win? It didn't happen Saturday night in Oklahoma City. Thanks to this:


Wow. Only Mike D'Antoni could put Danilo Gallinari and his career Defensive Rating of 112 on Kevin Durant one-on-one with the game on the line.

Make it six losses in a row. And the Knicks are suddenly a mere one game above .500.

Raymond Felton -- who went 0-for-3 in the final 48 seconds, including a missed layup with 31 seconds left -- said: "I'd rather get beat by 15 points than get beat like that. It's always a tough loss when it's a game-winner like that."

Speaking of Felton...

Raymond Felton, excuse machine: "They did a good job of contesting shots. I just missed some. I missed some shots. A couple times I went to the basket, it could have went either way with the calls. You know how that goes, but whatever."


The Cleveland Cavaliers: Another winless weekend. Shock. Surprise. Shock. Quick summary: The Cavs shot 38 percent in a 14-point home loss to the Bucks.

Said Cleveland coach Byron Scott: "We have to play harder. We have to play smarter. And, we have to be tougher. That's the bottom line."

They were tougher Saturday night against the Bulls in Chicago. But they still shot 32 percent in a 13-point loss.

Said Scott: "Those guys in there are disappointed. I'm very pleased with the way we played. We played with heart. But as much as we needed to play as hard as we did tonight, it's still nothing. You still lose the ballgame."

Speaking of losing ballgames, the Cavaliers have now 16 in a row and 20 straight on the road. They are now one road loss away from tying the franchise record. And if they don't win tonight in New Jersey...uh oh. Their next three road games are in Boston, Orlando and Miami.

The Washington Wizards Generals: Playing at home against the Suns, the Generals built an 11-point lead after 12 minutes...

...but finished down 18 after 48 minutes. And John Wall took it pretty hard.

Said Wall: "Oh, yeah, it felt like a road game. We didn't have no heart. We didn't have no fight. We just gave up pretty quickly. It was a three- or four-point game when Channing Frye went off for five or six 3s in a row that changes the whole complexion of the game."

Well, not quite. Frye hit four of the Suns' six threes in the third quarter. But he did finish 7-for-11 from downtown. Way to get a hand in his face, Generals.

Steve Nash, Tweet machine: From Dan B:

This series of tweets from Steve Nash just a few minutes ago made my day:

If, and only IF, u can make our game tonight in Detroit I'm giving away 2 tix to the 1st person to name my favorite bball player growing up.

Interestlngly mostly Pistol Pete's, then Isiah, Magic, Stockton, Jordan and a handful of......Ostertag? Clowns.

The Sacramento Kings: Anybody remember this?


Well, I guess Moped just loves tormenting the Paupers. Case in point:


I probably don't need to tell you that Sacramento went on to lose in overtime, right? Mind you, they led 99-90 with three minutes to go.

Said Beno Udrih: Same old, same old. We got lackadaisical."

Added Ellis: "We knew they [were] going to let us back in it."

The Kings have lost seven of eight and are a Western Conference-worst 9-32. Three of those seven losses have been in overtime. It's their second OT loss to the Warriors this season.

Paul Westfail, coach of the year candidate: "We had some great stretches. It's just a crying shame that we decided to stop playing together at the worst possible time."

The Charlotte Bobcraps: The Hawks were playing on the road the night after losing by 41 points at home. What's more, they were without starters Al Horford (sprained right ankle) and Marvin Williams (back). This couldn't end well. And it didn't...

...for the Bobcraps.

Gerald Wallace missed his first six shots and finished with 7 points on 2-for-9 shooting. Stephen Jackson had 10 points on 3-for-14 shooting. Charlotte fell behind by as many as 19 points and lost 103-87. And Tuesday begins a five-game road trip. Note the Bobcraps are 5-14 on the road.

Said S-Jax: "Obviously, this would have been a good win to go on the road trip with, but other people had different ideas about it."

Uhm...what?

The Phoenix Suns: The Suns had won five in a row and the only thing standing between them and a return to .500 was a night in Auburn Hills.

The result? An epic stink bomb in which they held the Pistons to 75 points on 35 percent shooting and lost anyway. Phoenix led by as many as 15 points but got outscored 28-13 in the fourth quarter.

Their failure was more historic than you know. According to the AP recap, it was the first time in franchise history the Suns lost when giving up fewer than 80 points. They had been 62-0 under those circumstances.

Stat of the game: Phoenix gave up a whopping 25 points off 14 turnovers.

Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "With everything that went on in that game, we still would have been OK if we don't turn the ball over."

Ah, but you did, coach. You did.

The Boston Celtics: Fuckin' seriously?


Said Wall: "I knew it was going to hit backboard, but I thought it was going to be a hard brick. It could've broken the backboard. Luckily, it went in."

Added Celtics coach Doc Rivers: "Let's just say that was the basketball gods punishing us for the way we played."

Regarding the way they played (via the AP recap): "The shot was probably what Boston deserved after it blew a 16-point, first-quarter lead. The Celtics shot 68 percent in the first quarter but 33 percent for the rest of the game. They went especially cold in the fourth quarter, shooting 5 for 23 and scoring their lowest point total (11) for any quarter this season."

Ugh.

Shaq and The Drain: As an anonymous commenter put it:

Shaquille O'Neal, C DNP SORE RIGHT KNEE
Jermaine O'Neal, C DNP SORE LEFT KNEE

Together they are an oft injured kneeless O'neal.

*Surprised face*

Flip Saunders, quote machine: "I think tonight you should give us a road game because there were more Boston people here than Washington. So we're 1-20."

The San Antonio Spurs: After his team scored a 75-71 victory over the Kings back on November 21, Hornets coach Monty Williams proclaimed that his team's 11-1 record might be fool's gold. New Orleans went on to lose 15 of their next 25 games. Now they've won eight in a row for the second time this season...

...and I'm not sure exactly what it means.

The streak started with a win over the Nuggets as Carmelo Anthony (3-for-11) appeared to be melting down in response to all the trade rumors surrounding him. Then they came away with back-to-back overtime wins over the Magic and Rockets. Then came three close wins over sub-.500 teams (Bobcraps, Craptors, Care Bears), the last of which was a one-point victory in OT. And although those wins were potentially scoffable, what can you say about how they beat the Hawks and Spurs by a combined 65 points on back-to-back nights?

The Hornets held the Spurs to 12 points in the first quarter and then outscored them 31-10 in the third. New Orleans led by as many as 31 points and Williams got to rest his starters in the fourth quarter.

Said San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich: "New Orleans played fantastic defense -- physical, physical, well-executed defense. When you combine that with fine shooting, you're in for a hell of a night. They were wonderful."

Pops then humped a game program with Chris Paul's face on it.

Added Williams: "We can't be satisfied. I know everybody is going to be talking about how the Hornets beat the best team in the league and making a lot out of that, but we haven't beaten Oklahoma City in the regular season or the preseason. We have to maintain our focus and our discipline."

Not sure why the Thunder are Monty's measuring stick. But, hey, what do I know?

Update! Dirk Nowitzki, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From the examiner.com via DOH: "Brook is a handful down there. He's so long, he's a good player. He made some good plays down there at the end."

Update! Rashard Mendenhall: Uhm...uhm... (via AnacondaHL):


Chris's weekend lacktion ledger:

Suns-Generals: Yi Jianlian chaired a brick factory in DC tonight, producing two rectangular pieces of masonry in 5:40 for a +2.

Bucks-Cavs: Jon Brockman had a monster night for Milwaukee, with a foul and turnover in 1:46 for a +2 (and a 2:0 Voskuhl).

Rockets-Grizzlies: Jared Jeffries borrowed a Virtual Boy from Clutch the Bear for 22 seconds to earn a Mario.

Knicks-Spurs: Tiago Splitter divided his attention between Mario 64 and Tetris for a 27 second Mario, despite a board.

Lakers-Nuggets: Melvin Ely made one assist in 8:18, only to lose the rock once for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Kings-Warriors: Luther Head bricked once in 2:12 for a +1, while East Oakland's Brandon. Wright fouled and lost the rock once each for a +2 in 2:59.

Hawks-Bobcats: Matt Carroll went into lacktion wonderland with a brick in 6:11 for a +1.

Celtics-Generals: Trevor Booker shockingly read one tale of suck in 4:26 by missing a field goal attempt.

Jazz-Sixers: Jason Kapono captured a castle in 52 seconds for a Mario, while fellow Sixer Tony Battie bricked once in 7:15 for a +1.

Pacers-Frail Blazers: Sean Marks marred his menagerie of stats with a brick, foul, and giveaway in 1:39 for a +3 that also earned a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Warriors-Clippers: Charlie Bell rang up 4 seconds of Wii time for a Super Mario, while fellow East Bay resident Brandan Wright wrote a space symphony in just 0.8 seconds on Mario Paint for a SUPER MARIO GALAXY!!!!!